My Higher Power

Of MY understanding. But I don't really know what that looks like yet. I've been playing around with the ideas of unconditional love, convenient happenstance, nature, or even creating my own 'god' figure. I used to believe in a sort of 'god' figure when I was in college. But I was also going through a pretty significant psychotic break when that was happening. This has made me a little apprehensive to turn toward God, or spirituality in general, again. I've only been sober for 10 days. I don't have a sponsor yet. So I haven't started step work. But I'd like to get some opinions from others. I feel so conflicted and lost and undeserving of NA without a higher power of my understanding there on the sidelines like everyone talks about.