Sincere spiritual question, please be gentle and kind 🙏
I am sort of stuck on my path to wherever my path is headed but it's become clear to me that I am in a double bind. Essentially I've considered myself a Christian for awhile and have been attracted to the teachings of Jesus as far back as I can remember but what I am attracted to is the love and forgiveness part.
The idea of loving with all my heart, soul, mind and strength is something I would like to do without being told I should do it. The idea of loving ones neighbor as oneself is a wonderful idea and though difficult I feel as though I can sincerely say I do my best to live by this teaching and it gives me joy to do so. The idea of forgiving others is likewise wonderful to me and it is my desire to forgive everyone who has wronged me in some way and again I feel that I have genuinely done so at least according to what I am able to perceive.
However, even though I am someone who would 9/10 defend Christianity...I have to be honest with myself and say that there is a certain part to me that doesn't seem to fit with the rest and yet it would seem to be the most important part. Jesus said the two most important commandments are to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and like I said I take genuine joy in this and the second to love my neighbor as myself, again I take genuine joy in attempting to authentically be that person.
The issue I have is that if the God who says he loves me more than anyone else in existence would even create such a place as hell it makes me terrified of the God that I truly desire to love with all my heart and in my heart I am not able to fulfill the commandment of loving him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength because there are humans who wouldn't do such a thing as create a hell and surely God's love must be way beyond that of human love or at least that is my line of thinking just knowing myself.
The double bind I see is this, I can't accept that hell is real even though I know for a fact that great suffering is real because I believe that God is the very source of love itself and while I would sooner lose my head than deny the God that I feel I know in my heart, I feel like eternal torture is a bit much to say the least and I can't see anything loving about it at all.
Have you dealt with this issue? What is your advice based on your own perspective?
The idea of loving with all my heart, soul, mind and strength is something I would like to do without being told I should do it. The idea of loving ones neighbor as oneself is a wonderful idea and though difficult I feel as though I can sincerely say I do my best to live by this teaching and it gives me joy to do so. The idea of forgiving others is likewise wonderful to me and it is my desire to forgive everyone who has wronged me in some way and again I feel that I have genuinely done so at least according to what I am able to perceive.
However, even though I am someone who would 9/10 defend Christianity...I have to be honest with myself and say that there is a certain part to me that doesn't seem to fit with the rest and yet it would seem to be the most important part. Jesus said the two most important commandments are to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and like I said I take genuine joy in this and the second to love my neighbor as myself, again I take genuine joy in attempting to authentically be that person.
The issue I have is that if the God who says he loves me more than anyone else in existence would even create such a place as hell it makes me terrified of the God that I truly desire to love with all my heart and in my heart I am not able to fulfill the commandment of loving him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength because there are humans who wouldn't do such a thing as create a hell and surely God's love must be way beyond that of human love or at least that is my line of thinking just knowing myself.
The double bind I see is this, I can't accept that hell is real even though I know for a fact that great suffering is real because I believe that God is the very source of love itself and while I would sooner lose my head than deny the God that I feel I know in my heart, I feel like eternal torture is a bit much to say the least and I can't see anything loving about it at all.
Have you dealt with this issue? What is your advice based on your own perspective?
