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Is god not going to reveal himself to me unless i blindly accept that he is just and good? [Spirituality & Religion]

I mean, how am i supposed to turn off the brain he ostensibly gave me?
When i read about hardening pharaoh's heart so that he could show off his power or how he orders his chosen people to kill children by the thousands....how am i supposed to embrace that as the actions of a good and just being?
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Ryanoliver2011 · 26-30, M
It was done for good in the long run so it was worth the “collateral damage”
I believe you are referring to the killing of every first born son but god sent the angel of death to do that not the Hebrews