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Is god not going to reveal himself to me unless i blindly accept that he is just and good? [Spirituality & Religion]

I mean, how am i supposed to turn off the brain he ostensibly gave me?
When i read about hardening pharaoh's heart so that he could show off his power or how he orders his chosen people to kill children by the thousands....how am i supposed to embrace that as the actions of a good and just being?
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God is a man of war, a warrior
and He'll do everything to protect those He love
He is a God of armies
"As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live." Ezek

dit is Sy wêreld en ons is Sy maaksels Doen soos hy sê PUNT.
@butterflymind1

"And as the LORD took delight in doing you good and multiplying you, so the LORD will take delight in bringing ruin upon you and destroying you"
Deuteronomy 28:63
@Pikachu yes
@butterflymind1

So it seems that he does take pleasure in the death of the wicked, even (and maybe especially) when those wicked are the people he loved.

How am i supposed to just accept that this represents the actions of a good and just being?
Carazaa · F
@Pikachu Yes, I am praying so hard that God will not give up on you, but that you will repent.
@Pikachu their is a choice
stop being wicked
@butterflymind1

That is not the point.

This is not about me, this is about the character of god and the things he does and how i am to accept these as the behaviour of a just, loving being.