Aside from talking to a therapist, how did you learn to trust anyone again?

The right book can change a life.

Or, maybe meeting an extraordinary person.

I don't want to trust just anyone however, my lessons have been very hard. I know that not everyone deserves my trust, are not worthy of it.

I was utterly Polyanish, with rose coloured glasses.

I'd have to say, thank the Goddess that I have changed.

OK. I know this is long, but it's not a simple answer. It's my own experience -- no warranty expressed or implied when it comes to anyone else.

It was a conscious, reasoned decision -- no therapist involved. After a devastating breakup that nearly destroyed me, I honestly believed that I would never trust again like I had with her. Maybe I didn't believe that anyone was worthy of being trusted like that; it was a dark time; I'm not really sure of the reasoning -- or even if there was any, I just knew I would never allow myself to be that vulnerable to anyone, ever again.

I lived like that for more than a few years, but I kept my eyes open. I realized, with certainty, that there are good people in the world. I saw people I knew fall in love and I saw how good it could be, but I still steadfastly believed "Nope, not for me".

I met AJ, totaly by accident. We didn't fall in love and live happily ever after, but she touched the brokenness in me and maybe healed it a bit but, more important, she challenged me. She told me that I was condemning myself to a lonely life, by deciding never to trust anyone -- that I was worth loving -- that I had love to give -- and that I had no right to prejudge her, or anyone else, because of the actions of someone I trusted long ago. To make a long story short, she gave me reason to wonder if things could be different. Mostly, she made me realize that I was being unfair -- prejudging the motives of pretty much anyone I came in contact with -- impugning their integrity without justification -- all because I was living in fear of a ghost.

It hurt when she disappeared from my life, but the lessons stayed. I wasn't ready for a real relationship at the time, and both of us knew that. But I realized that she was right. I didn't know how people were going to treat me in the future and it was pretty egotistical of me to believe I did.

If there's one thing I don't have, it's a big ego, and I really started to question why I had come to believe that: a) I was unloveable; and b) No one could be trusted. I think it was mostly out of fear. I pretty much forced myself to look at things in a more reasoned, rather than emotional way and I discovered, to my considerable surprise, that people could, sometimes, be trusted. At least with small things in small doses. And, yeah, AJ had convinced me that I was at least a little bit loveable.

It grew from there. Not always forward -- people are human, my judgement was horrible, and there was certainly some pain and some betrayal of trust along the way. But it was different. I never again held the belief that "no one can be trusted". It was just "well, I guess that one can't be trusted". And that made all the difference.


There are people in this world who can be trusted. People who believe trust is sacred. People who will never betray the trust placed in them. I know this to be true. I hope you can find a way to be open to the possibility -- even a little. I wish you the best on your journey.

I have had such huge struggles with trusting again.
It wasn’t until a friend of mine (this friend also, incidentally, was a serial ‘cheater’ ) told me that I have to think of it differently.
He said I have to stop thinking about [i]‘if my guy will cheat on me’[/i] simply because of the possibility that he could be a cheater…and start thinking of it as [i][b]I deserve to be treated well and respected[/b][/i]

I don’t really know how or why that helped me, but it did.
I can’t focus on what COULD happen, but rather focus on ‘what I DESERVE in this relationship’

(I still have days though….it’s not easy to trust again)

I don’t trust all therapists. I’ve had an experience with an unethical therapist and I don’t feel like it could happen again. But it’s possible. I don’t trust anyone until I’ve been shown a reason to think otherwise.

You just don't expect much and don't worry about it beyond anything that is glaring. In actuality we can't put full on trust in any human no matter what we think. And what they do is on them and their own conscience, not us.

I beginning to accept that I do not need to.

Like everything that hurts you…you gotta ease back into it. Slowly, cautiously, mindfully…its the only way to overcome it. Baby steps.

Sometimes a person that has a broken heart never is the same again i know it hurts when you give your all, then they just leave and you find out it was a lie after all...

Wouldn't really give it unless they earned it. Though I do not trust anyone fully, I always remind myself they are still people and can make mistakes/can be tempted.. it is what it is

My adoptive father and then my husband both made it clear by their example that there are good, honorable people out there .

[c=4C0073]i always use the "just make up my mind to do it" method ..
while preserving personal safety and mental stability[/c]

I learned to set boundaries and those who insisted on trying to step over them are the people I don't trust.

I stopped expecting so much from others. They haven't let me down for years now.

Honestly you have to trust your “gut” feeling, if it does not feel good walk away

I can’t learn to trust anyone. I can’t cope with regret

Little by little..not overnight...babysteps!

When you learn the answer please share cause I have no idea🙄

Prioritize your self-interests and safety.

therapists are the most untrustworthy of the bunch

No matter what you do the untrust will always b there