Aside from talking to a therapist, how did you learn to trust anyone again?

OK. I know this is long, but it's not a simple answer. It's my own experience -- no warranty expressed or implied when it comes to anyone else.

It was a conscious, reasoned decision -- no therapist involved. After a devastating breakup that nearly destroyed me, I honestly believed that I would never trust again like I had with her. Maybe I didn't believe that anyone was worthy of being trusted like that; it was a dark time; I'm not really sure of the reasoning -- or even if there was any, I just knew I would never allow myself to be that vulnerable to anyone, ever again.

I lived like that for more than a few years, but I kept my eyes open. I realized, with certainty, that there are good people in the world. I saw people I knew fall in love and I saw how good it could be, but I still steadfastly believed "Nope, not for me".

I met AJ, totaly by accident. We didn't fall in love and live happily ever after, but she touched the brokenness in me and maybe healed it a bit but, more important, she challenged me. She told me that I was condemning myself to a lonely life, by deciding never to trust anyone -- that I was worth loving -- that I had love to give -- and that I had no right to prejudge her, or anyone else, because of the actions of someone I trusted long ago. To make a long story short, she gave me reason to wonder if things could be different. Mostly, she made me realize that I was being unfair -- prejudging the motives of pretty much anyone I came in contact with -- impugning their integrity without justification -- all because I was living in fear of a ghost.

It hurt when she disappeared from my life, but the lessons stayed. I wasn't ready for a real relationship at the time, and both of us knew that. But I realized that she was right. I didn't know how people were going to treat me in the future and it was pretty egotistical of me to believe I did.

If there's one thing I don't have, it's a big ego, and I really started to question why I had come to believe that: a) I was unloveable; and b) No one could be trusted. I think it was mostly out of fear. I pretty much forced myself to look at things in a more reasoned, rather than emotional way and I discovered, to my considerable surprise, that people could, sometimes, be trusted. At least with small things in small doses. And, yeah, AJ had convinced me that I was at least a little bit loveable.

It grew from there. Not always forward -- people are human, my judgement was horrible, and there was certainly some pain and some betrayal of trust along the way. But it was different. I never again held the belief that "no one can be trusted". It was just "well, I guess that one can't be trusted". And that made all the difference.


There are people in this world who can be trusted. People who believe trust is sacred. People who will never betray the trust placed in them. I know this to be true. I hope you can find a way to be open to the possibility -- even a little. I wish you the best on your journey.