It is just me, or do the majority of people who accuse others of being a "narcissist", or having "red flags" tend to be pretty negative people?

Bitter, unsuccessful, mentally ill and so on.

I've never known a positive, successful person who wishes for those around them to succeed to also tell me about how this and that person is a "narcissist" or had so and so "red flag". Instead, they wish to bring out the good in people. Which in extension allows them to bring out the good in themselves.

Whilst with the "narcissist/red flag" labellers, on the other hand - they seem to just have this negative outlook about themselves and everyone else. One where even the good things become a negative, and everything in their life is sucked down into destruction and negativity - and it's everyone else's fault. It isn't, these other people are positive and succeeding, which is where the "narcissist" label comes in, for them to deny reality, creating this destructive cycle for themselves.

Luckylu · 61-69, F

I don't think that is the case. I think it is a mixed bag.

You can have a positive person and because of circumstances, has learned to be very cautious and have become aware of the red flags to be watchful of.

Some people have learned because of their environment growing up to have a negative outlook and try really hard to find anything positive in their world. They work hard on not being destructive but things can happen out of their control that shape a person in ways they work hard to not be shaped into.

I think positive people have just learned instinctively to avoid the negative. Just because they don't mention it doesn't mean they don't see it. There are also some people who appear quite positive to everyone around them but if you ever got a look deep inside their mind you would find something completely different.

There are some people who can see the red flags, and want to warn people to be careful. I have tried to see the best in everyone but in my life I have experienced those who take advantage (I'm being rather kind when I say that). I will warn people if I see them being sucked in.

There are certainly a few people as you describe but to try and classify as you have I feel is doing some people an injustice.

Therealsteve · 31-35, M

@Luckylu I see what you are saying. I suppose because of how extreme the people I'm thinking of are in what they ascribe as "red flags" and "narcissism", making up 90% of anything that comes out of their mouth, those sorts of people come to mind the most when I think of those terms. I was certainly thinking to myself, whilst making this post "you yourself know your time is limited and only spend time with people who want the best for you and have the means to help you achieve your goals" and yes I suppose I do try to avoid people red flags. However, you know the kind of people I mean - the problem is never their negative self, rather every person they've ever dated is a "narcissist", anyone with any success is this and that etc :D As with everything, their must be a regulation to find the right balance in judgment.

Mordechai · 31-35, M

So 1. It's often misuse of diagnostic language due to the normalisation of pop psychology
2. Genuine narcissists are actually rare, everyone displays "narcissistic" behaviours sometimes, it's about consistency, clusters of behaviour, and the underlying reasons for it.
3. People are most vulnerable in relationships, attachment styles and communication issues come out more and people think the worst of eachother eg. Everyone's ex is "a narcissist" because they seemed very selfish and left them feeling hurt.