This may sound weird, but I am grieving the past a little tonight. All the sights and sounds and smells I knew from back then..the apple crisp and
Bain de Terre Green Meadow shampoo, plumeria and juniper Bath and Body Works..kicking in puddles with Rusk Coral conditioner in my hair, after discovering Andrew Bird for the first time...The tray of 60 soaps I was saving up for at The Body Shop..
Logins to amazing social media sites..my angsty blogs, playlists, the people I knew.....Falling in love with Neutral Milk Hotel for the first time...
The me who was struggling harddd to determine what abuse meant and if I had been its victim, and if I would choose to survive it...
It seems like I should just be able to reach back for the good memories, and my fingers should find purchase....Back to a time when Chris Cornell and Philip Seymour Hoffman hadn't died yet, when "Banana Pancakes" Jack Johnson and 5th street shopping and coin purse dumplings were all it took to make me feel amazing...
Before some of my friends gave in to their depression..
Today I was listening to "Peer Pressure" by Jon Brion, from the "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" soundtrack. I had heard it on this amazing fan montage that combined scenes from Radiohead's "Motion Picture Soundtrack"+ "Bowl of Oranges" by Bright Eyes+ a kaleidoscopic pinwheel of bursting colors....
It starts off with a mountain range, shards of glassy ice rushing towards the scene of a stick figure murder in the snow (from the Radiohead video)..then cuts to a stop motion girl digging her soulmate out from his burial..cleaning him off..kissing his cheek until a kaleidoscopic pinwheel of colors burst forth..ending with both of her little hands holding his big one, then abruptly pulling her hands down and off of his.
It was as if she had saved him, only to murder him again, and the whole video had come full circle.
I WEPT when I found the song again, after about 17 years. I cannot find the original montage..It had been put together by a fan, on MySpace.
It has taken me all these years to piece together where some of those montage shards came from, and has felt like the ultimate treasure hunt to discover.
Somewhere out there, its creator has no earthly idea just how much their art has affected me all of this time.
When I closed my eyes and listened to "Peer Pressure" again tonight, I felt transported into a see of rich purples and emerald greens. It was thundering outside, and it was like my spirit was WHOOSHING through heaven.
I hope I don't sound cheesy..It just..really impressed upon me that heaven won't be this stale place with hymnals and all the people who don't cuss and vote republican.
It will be this weightless WHOOSHING, and we will FEEL colors. IDK.
Logins to amazing social media sites..my angsty blogs, playlists, the people I knew.....Falling in love with Neutral Milk Hotel for the first time...
The me who was struggling harddd to determine what abuse meant and if I had been its victim, and if I would choose to survive it...
It seems like I should just be able to reach back for the good memories, and my fingers should find purchase....Back to a time when Chris Cornell and Philip Seymour Hoffman hadn't died yet, when "Banana Pancakes" Jack Johnson and 5th street shopping and coin purse dumplings were all it took to make me feel amazing...
Before some of my friends gave in to their depression..
Today I was listening to "Peer Pressure" by Jon Brion, from the "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" soundtrack. I had heard it on this amazing fan montage that combined scenes from Radiohead's "Motion Picture Soundtrack"+ "Bowl of Oranges" by Bright Eyes+ a kaleidoscopic pinwheel of bursting colors....
It starts off with a mountain range, shards of glassy ice rushing towards the scene of a stick figure murder in the snow (from the Radiohead video)..then cuts to a stop motion girl digging her soulmate out from his burial..cleaning him off..kissing his cheek until a kaleidoscopic pinwheel of colors burst forth..ending with both of her little hands holding his big one, then abruptly pulling her hands down and off of his.
It was as if she had saved him, only to murder him again, and the whole video had come full circle.
I WEPT when I found the song again, after about 17 years. I cannot find the original montage..It had been put together by a fan, on MySpace.
It has taken me all these years to piece together where some of those montage shards came from, and has felt like the ultimate treasure hunt to discover.
Somewhere out there, its creator has no earthly idea just how much their art has affected me all of this time.
When I closed my eyes and listened to "Peer Pressure" again tonight, I felt transported into a see of rich purples and emerald greens. It was thundering outside, and it was like my spirit was WHOOSHING through heaven.
I hope I don't sound cheesy..It just..really impressed upon me that heaven won't be this stale place with hymnals and all the people who don't cuss and vote republican.
It will be this weightless WHOOSHING, and we will FEEL colors. IDK.
41-45, F
