Spending time trying to get to know someone only for them to leave... is it worth it?

I have nothing against them, I believe in letting people do what's best for them and letting them choose what they want even if that's doesn't include me but what am I supposed to do? I'm left with memories that weight me down, promises they couldn't keep and mixed feelings of love and betrayal for them. And no matter how much time has passed, it's still "I love you and I hope you're having a great life but I also hope to never see you again because it still pains me how much you've hurt me." and I also can't bear to see your happiness knowing you left me, cowardly and unapologetically, in my deepest moments to go and live your life and now, years later, I'm still fighting for it while you get to enjoy..
But the main question is: is it worth it? Spending time, money and energy to build a relationship, putting effort into little surprises and gifts for big days and celebrations only for it to become a bitter memory, watching you two drift apart and dreading the inevitable while also pretending you're fine and you'll be fine...only to realize it's never enough. You're never going to feel happy enough or safe enough or over it but you also can't go through life without making any relationships, can you?

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

Starsandfire · 31-35, F

After experiencing something similar to this myself (and we are talking a long friendship and sudden ghost situation) I would still say it is worth it. But it’s a rotten feeling trying to build up that trust again, not knowing if it’s going to be a repeat of what happened.

NoGamesTolerated · F

@Starsandfire the perils of the internet sad 😞

Starsandfire · 31-35, F

Yes. Really quite brutal and left me upset for a good long time. @NoGamesTolerated

WhateverWorks · 36-40

Is it worth pouring ourselves into a sinking ships? No. The experiences are meaningful, but at a certain point the takeaway is to start loving yourself and not invest in unhealthy, unstable things that (regardless of whatever positive qualities we found very attractive ) showed signs things weren’t going to work out early on.

Instead, we learn to have healthy boundaries, figure out what matters to us in life and invest in people who show us they can be consistently respectful kind loving considerate etc. Who have values that are compatible. Does that guarantee that things will work out? No, but it definitely improves the odds and when things don’t work out you’re not left with so much repetitive pain that becomes trauma you then additionally have to heal from.

nonsensiclesnail · F

Yep.
All of those interactions help you grow. You decide in what ways by the choices you make and the people you bring into your life.

View 2 more replies »

Melpomene · 22-25, F

@nonsensiclesnail My sensitive soul. I'm left drained like a sponge and rejected because I'm not "needed" anymore, during the time when I myself needed someone to lean on, and that wasn't just one relationship.
Now I feel unworthy and insulted for the ways I've been treated but the only reason I let them treat me that way was because I knew I'd be left all alone and I wanted to avoid that by compromising. But what's the point of that when, in the end, I've got to experience what I was fearing BUT also got the more pain than I expected?

nonsensiclesnail · F

@Melpomene Look at why you made those choices. Look at the outcome. Look at the character traits of the people you choose to be with and decide if thats the sort of person you want in your life or if maybe you need to change what you are looking for. Decide your worth, your value. If someone else can’t see it then they ar not exactly worth your time. Don’t just take what life brings to you, learn from it. Find the lessons. And dont live your life as the victim of your choices. Be the over comer, the one who fights for you. Set boundaries And know your expectations. Make them clear in your mind. You wont waste so much time with people not worthy of your time.

Melpomene · 22-25, F

@nonsensiclesnail I'm not playing the victim, I just feel hurt that I've put trust in someone who told me they'd be there for me only for them to pull away once I've needed them, because it was too much. The truth is, people change. And you never know what challenges has life prepared for you or whom it might take.

PepsiColaP

Ofcourse you can , romantic relationships are not every relationship there is

View 1 more replies »

PepsiColaP

@Melpomene don't you expect effort back ? Isn't that why now you are dissapointed so much ? Is just not everyone's choice to give that . You made yours he made his

Melpomene · 22-25, F

@PepsiColaP Yes but how do you unsee that lack of effort as "you're not worthy the trouble"?

PepsiColaP

@Melpomene that's for us to figure out

JustNik · 51-55, F

It is worth it. This pain helps you learn. Even though it can take years for the edges to dull, they will dull, and you’ll know yourself to be better and stronger than you thought you were. 🤗

Bri89 · 31-35, M

I had that happen to me all the time, which was why I stopped wasting time getting to know someone long-term.

Paperhearts · 61-69, F

Too much is left to your imagination in an online "relationship ". Your own mind fills in the blanks and cracks to it's own liking. It isn't real. It's a fantasy for the most part, unless you actually meet as two real people, face to face, who can hold hands. In my own opinion of course.

Melpomene · 22-25, F

@Paperhearts This wasn't about a romantic relationship but relationships in general, mostly irl but talking to someone online also sucks because it's most likely you'll get ghosted.
Though you're right, I should probably edit that since I started ranting on some actual years long relationships I've lost...

Add a comment...