I only offer help to those I care about or have a good relationship with. There are times when everyone needs it. I had a sweet friend who was traumatized and recoiled away into her home, refusing to live a quality life or come out of there. Fortunately I had a key and we (my self and 2 other of her friends) all decided that even if it cost us her friendship we were going to have an intervention. We just could not in good conscience let her rot in her own misery.

We went in, opened all the windows and with the help of Molly Maids, cleaned her house , did her laundry, and put everything away until her home was as we remembered it being. She had run off into her bedroom when we showed up, cussing and yelling. Then it was her turn. She was a sight. but he got her in the tub, washed her from head to toe, washed her hair and even trimmed her nails.

We dressed her in clean pajamas and a robe and brought her out so we could get at her bedroom and bathroom. When she saw her home looking like home again, she cried. She enjoyed garlic toast and tomato soup . She was skin and bones. Luckily one of us was a nurse and she could see she was dehydrated and really not well so we took her to the hospital. Her doc, once he saw her, sedated her and put her on a 48 hour psych hold. Luckily she responded very well to the IVs and the meds. Her doc said what we did was called a re-set , and that if we had not done something like that, she would have passed in just a few more days. She agreed to stay another week and then she was released and we all 3 showed up to take her home.

She told us she was going to sue every last one of us and that she never wanted to see us again. Then called each of us apologizing . I told her I didnt care if she wanted to see me or not, I was not about to let a friend go out like that.

She thanked all of us at lunch a couple of months later. Looking at her now you would never have guessed that had happened to her. When a friend is concerned about you, hush up and listen.

I have been both rejected and rejecting others. I don't take it personally.

We all have our different needs and reasons and what helps you might not always help someone else.

Unless you have a strong empathy and can figure out how someone prefer to be helped, you help in the way you'd like to be helped. And it's simply not always a match.

Once long ago my girlfriend and I wanted to replace an old washing line outside the flat, which was a top floor rented from an old lady who lived downstairs. The washing line was metal and very rusted and soiled anything hung on it. We bought a brand new.plastic line and feeling sorry for the old lady we replaced hers which was in just as bad a condition.

The old lady went ballistic! Demanded her old line back! We rescued it from the bin and rehung it, rusted and bent.

I sometimes think of this and yes, we were wrong to just assume.

Help not rejected, but resented. Members of my church and myself went into the home of a family with 12 children. They were living knee deep in unwashed clothing. Church members took the clothes to a laundromat, and folded them and returned about half of them. The remainder we stored in the church basement.

THEN the leader of our women's group told me that all the children had to use a filthy, moldy bathtub and shower. I told her I could clean anything, and I did. We took before and after pictures. I was VERY proud of the job I did, and the children thanked me personally.

BUT...Mom and Dad were PISSED. They went to the Bishop and complained that the leader of the women's group was all up in their private business. I could tell the Dad was pissed, because he never smiled at me once, or thanked me.

I accept help from friends and family with no problem. It’s when people who aren’t close to me offer help, I can’t bring myself to trust them. I don’t want to feel like I owe them anything. I also want to be self sufficient. Pride is huge for me. I’ve been backstabbed many times by people who I thought were decent. Nah, not worth interacting with snakes. Friends and family, though, are like luxury. I do for them what they are willing to do for me. It’s a given.

I often reject help because I feel like what they offer isn't the solution to my problem and it would only divert me further away from what I really want for myself. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know...but I listen to my gut feeling.

I have rejected “help”...the person was too pushy and tried to control me.

If I do something nice for someone it's to not get anything in return ...and if they don't appreciate or want it I no longer do it ...it's that simple

Yes. It's okay though. It's not supposed to be personal.