I have a lot of internalized self hate

Your father is emotionally manipulating you in order to make himself feel powerful.
He has probably been doing it ever since you were old enough to understand language.
He has literally programmed you to feel this way.

But you can reprogram yourself.

It is a parent's [i]duty[/i] to pay for the raising and educating of their offspring to the point where the young adult can earn his/her own living and become independent.

If he's lucky, your father may live long enough to need someone to care for him in his old age.
He may (as most do in Western societies) live long enough to become utterly dependent on others just to stay alive a bit longer.
At that point, either you (and maybe your siblings) step in to look after him or he goes into institutional care paid for by the sale of his house or by the state.

Many parents use approval to manipulate, control and educate their kids. Usually, they mean well and are unaware that there are better methods.
Many parents (unconsciously) have children in order to fill emotional voids in themselves; it always backfires.

Part of growing into adulthood is severing that parental emotional umbilical. It's a hard thing to do because the very young child has an almost infinite need for unconditional love, but most parents' love is conditional.

If you wish you can change the dynamic with your father.

Start by paying back the loan for that car a.s.a.p. and [i]never[/i] borrow from him again. Try to save for big items to buy outright rather than borrowing. Cut up any credit cards and replace them with a debit card; it helps to live within one's means.

Then, next time he plays the money card, tell him he was legally and morally obliged to spend that money on raising you to the point of independence from the moment you were conceived and born.
However, now that you're an adult you have every right to make your own decisions. (You could go further and say, "Dad, I don't want your advice unless I ask for it on a specific issue - and even then, I will decide whether or not to act on it.)
Tell him you do not need his blessings or approval in order to get on in life. (The part of you that does want his love and approval is the small child - and that part can never be satisfied) You [i]might[/i] sometimes consider his advice but will also examine all the options and be responsible for your own choices. You will not give him any say in who you marry.
If he blows his temper, that too is a form of bullying and intimidation. Wait till his tantrum wears out. Then tell him that, in future, any time he tries to manipulate or control you with money, advice or approval, you will immediately put the phone down or leave. You will remain in conversation only if he treats you with politeness and respect.
He will probably take umbrage and try to bully or manipulate you into submission. No matter what he does, don't repeat what you said. Just do exactly what you promised. Eventually he'll get the message and start behaving respectfully.
It will be genuine respect for you as an adult human being.

you need to kill him and be rid of him once and for all. that is the only way to get him out of your life. it is easy to kill a person and gets easier every time you kill someone. I know it has gotten easier for me each time I killed another person.