I’m realizing that it’s probably not…

@TIstillwaitinggsc69 PS I actually have hated myself for the better part of my life because of a variety of reasons. I have just escalated into a higher level of self hatred and anger bordering upon rage against the machine that I see in the mirror and I have stopped looking in mirrors unless I absolutely have to to keep from looking like a Picasso when I put my makeup on. I know I learned to hate myself because I was bullied as a child (4th through 8th grade predominantly. Though my high school experience was not a cakewalk either being in a high pressure higher education college prep school environment instead of a normal school and I then convinced myself that I was using my self hatred to raise my level of expectancy in order to achieve the highest possible levels of performance in my physical activities so as to be successful and set myself apart from my competitors and to establish a name and reputation for myself as being on another level and being fearless and capable of doing things that others would not do because of their level of self preservation became a limiting factor that was non existent inside of me and I reaped the benefits and the downside of being that way in my life. If that makes any sense.