Telling The Truth
It's something I truthfully do not want to do. It's a secret I wanted my parents to die never knowing. I know now, however, that I cannot hide this from them any longer. Before this month ends, I need to tell them that I'm autistic.
I had a feeling I was going to do this for the last two weekends, since my near-breakup experience with my partner, which has since been resolved, thankfully. That experience showed me that my urge to BE what I am has become far too overwhelming to hold in. Try as I may, trying to hide what I am has become increasingly difficult to hide.
They are both such narcissistic twats in their own ways, and I do not trust them with this knowledge. That's why the very thought of telling them has terrified me for the last two and a half years. That is why I'll be sending them individualized emails. I do not want to risk tripping over my own words as I try to tell them in the flesh. Also, my mother has undiagnosed ADHD, along with major insecurity. and will find one word, one phrase to hang on to and not even absorb the rest of my message as a result.
I'll be setting some boundaries in my emails to them. They will NOT be allowed to call me upon reading my emails, as it'll be a lot to process, and I want them to speak without them letting their emotions get in the way. The next part will be tricky. I'll tell them that under no circumstances can they tell anyone. Family or not. I don't give a shit who it is. They are to keep their mouths shut. Bad enough I don't trust them with this information.
This will be the ultimate test to see if they respect me as a person after all. I've often felt invalidated by both of them over the span of my lifetime. So, will they pass the test? Or, will they show me who they really are and fail?
I had a feeling I was going to do this for the last two weekends, since my near-breakup experience with my partner, which has since been resolved, thankfully. That experience showed me that my urge to BE what I am has become far too overwhelming to hold in. Try as I may, trying to hide what I am has become increasingly difficult to hide.
They are both such narcissistic twats in their own ways, and I do not trust them with this knowledge. That's why the very thought of telling them has terrified me for the last two and a half years. That is why I'll be sending them individualized emails. I do not want to risk tripping over my own words as I try to tell them in the flesh. Also, my mother has undiagnosed ADHD, along with major insecurity. and will find one word, one phrase to hang on to and not even absorb the rest of my message as a result.
I'll be setting some boundaries in my emails to them. They will NOT be allowed to call me upon reading my emails, as it'll be a lot to process, and I want them to speak without them letting their emotions get in the way. The next part will be tricky. I'll tell them that under no circumstances can they tell anyone. Family or not. I don't give a shit who it is. They are to keep their mouths shut. Bad enough I don't trust them with this information.
This will be the ultimate test to see if they respect me as a person after all. I've often felt invalidated by both of them over the span of my lifetime. So, will they pass the test? Or, will they show me who they really are and fail?
