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I Am Traditional When It Comes To Gender Roles

This may be unpopular, but yes, I do. My opinion is based on traditional male/female roles as that is my experience.

I am traditional in small and big ways.

Small: I rarely will make the first move- I might nudge or take a step but I wait for a man 99% of the time. If he checks me in some way I will retreat like a turtle and never make another advance. I look to him for guidance and tailor my behavior based on his reactions. I observe it all very carefully. I will never call him unless he specifically asks me to. I will not ask him on a date. In conversations he gets the last word unless it's a really bad argument.

Big: Though I support a woman having her own career, I think there's not a thing wrong or shameful in him having a career and her staying home and taking care of it and the family.

Having been raised not to depend on anyone, especially men, I can say from experience it is unhealthy and unrealistic. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being part of a traditional role relationship.
I disagree with most of your 'smalls' although that is the way most of my relationships have gone. It's more a matter of timing than waiting to be asked. I usually make up my mind about whether I'm interested in pursuing a relationship more slowly than nearly all the men I have known. When he asks I think, well, why not? Let's see how it goes.

I do agree with the concept of (in my case) either partner being the homemaker and primary childcare partner. If both partners are agreeable to the one-income household, I think a parent in the home is preferable to external childcare.

For me, where the difficulty arises is when the marriage does not last, and the partner who stayed home and out of the workforce now finds it necessary to begin employment with little or no experience and employment history. I encourage young marrieds I know to legally and formally establish (rather like a prenuptial agreement) provisions for that possibility (including life insurance for the workibg spouse) when they decide one of their careers will be child, homecare and family anchor. I think that choice is healthy for the family but if 'happily ever after' doesn't happen or if the family provider dies, getting a late start can be a hardship for the divorced or widowed half.
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
@Mamapolo2016 That last part is one of the main reasons I dont do the "stay at home wife" thing. I was a homemaker for almost 12 years and now trying to get back into the workforce has been HELL.
You may be right - at least in these generations when the traditional became the exception rather than the norm. But I'm afraid that horse has left the barn and won't be returning soon, if ever.

The way I see it, if a young couple prepares so if it doesn't make 'forever' they are ready and it DOES, then the entire family can benefit from that early preparation.

I don't believe traditional gender roles were necessarily healthy for either gender. I think the mom at home and the dad out in the workplace grew organically from the roles that were customarily divided between the sexes on farms and homesteads, a lot of it based on physical strength. When work that was not dependent on physical strength became the norm rather than the exception and women learned (many during the world wars) that women could keep the home fires burning and hold down a job as well, that long-held belief that women were too fragile and/or emotional to function in a work environment went out the window.

@abooklover
im in favor of woman haveing their own career too. many times were single most of our lives and have no one to depend on.
abooklover · 56-60, F
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
Nothing wrong with it if that's what both people want. I've been in a very traditional relationship and it wasn't for me. I guess I got to a point where I felt that I was very undervalued and "trapped" in a lot of ways- especially financially- being dependent on a man. I never want to live that way again. All of my relationships must be 50/50 now in terms of respect and earnings.
abooklover · 56-60, F
@DearAmbellina2113 I can understand that. It takes mutual respect and communication. I've been on both sides and this is the most comfortable for me. Hopefully someday I'll find the right person.
SW-User
Traditional is great, and should be embraced more often in my opinion
abooklover · 56-60, F
@SW-User I agree. I think conflict arises when people fight against it. Again, just my opinion/perspective.
TheGoodGuy · M
I prefer the traditional roles too, as long as there is mutual love and respect for one another 🙂
TheGoodGuy · M
@abooklover Sorry to hear it left you like that... People can suck. One of my uncles was going through the process of divorcing his wife - they had set up a business in his wife's name as he had bad credit history, the business was running for about 15 years. He ran it but she didn't work there but when the time came she wanted to take the whole business for herself! Just bcoz they had set it up in her name! In the end I think she agreed to take 10k and pissed off...

People just need to be good and honest and work all that crap out in a good way and break on good terms, its possible I believe if both people are willing :)
abooklover · 56-60, F
@TheGoodGuy Thank you for your sentiment but I chose em-my bed, have to lie in it. My two ex husbands could compete for the ahole Hall of Fame. I have stories that would deter anyone.
That sucks about your Uncle. Yes if everyone could be an adult and not out to injure other people the world would be a better place.
TheGoodGuy · M
@abooklover indeed.
Sounds bad.. I hope the next guy is a really good one :)
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abooklover · 56-60, F
@Waymore I'm glad there are other people who can see that. Just an opinion though.
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jaymic64 · M
Not at all. It just takes the right two people.
abooklover · 56-60, F
@jaymic64 It sure does or someone could take advantage of the situation.
jaymic64 · M
@abooklover I know some do.
Montanaman · M
👍 this 💕
abooklover · 56-60, F
@Montanaman 😚🤗
helenS · 36-40, F
Somehow this reminds me of Wilma Flintstone. 😁
abooklover · 56-60, F
@helenS Lol, not even close to me, but funny.

 
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