It feels like it’s physically impossible to kill myself.

I like wannaI die but I also I’m like if I don’t succeed at this it’ll suck so I wanna make sure I actually die. How to make sure I actually die So I won’t have to suffer and be in the hospital

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ViciDraco · 36-40, M

What is it that causes these feelings for you? Is it loneliness or a sense of failure? Are you sick in a bad situation you cannot get out of? Or is it more clinical?