Whats something nice your s/o said to you recently?

@Rokan yes, he's a narcissist.. He basically says what he wants and then denies it

@AbsolutelyFabulous but why would he "want" to say that?

@Rokan well, I said something that irritated him, I can't even remember what it was it was inconsequential tbh, and this is part of him being him, I am not allowed to voice opinions or anything about anything that's disagreeable to him, he was vexed, and he said this and gave me his "death stare" as if to say..."You shut the eff up or there will be consequences .."

@AbsolutelyFabulous and this is okay? If another girl was going through this with another man that would be okay too?

@Rokan no, it's absolutely not, I have to work on my plan to get away from him, he's getting worse as he gets older, hes worse since his father died 2.5 years ago and his mother's health is bad, his narcissist traits are very obvious, there's no denying it, I'm not married to a normal person and every conversation or something is a waste of time, so I am just biding my time until I get away. Btw, so if I did call him out on what he says to me, he either, denies it, attacks me, tells me I'm too sensitive or that he was only joking, that it never happened and I have something wrong with me if I think it happened... So I say nothing..

Ive learned recently this is called darvo, deny, attack, reverse the argument around, and I can't remember what the v and o stands for

But I know who he is, whether it's 1 years or whatever I will get away from this monster

@AbsolutelyFabulous attack as in physical violence?

@Rokan oh but he would never do that, it's gaslighting, emotional abuse, passive aggressiveness, like breaking things in the house, leaving a mess, "getting back at me" in subtle ways that would make me look crazy to complain about... It's insidiously done and has been over the entire 26 years of my relationship and I thought that there was something seriously wrong with me, but someone helped me to see the light, now I see it, I cannot unsee what he's really like and really doing to me.

He's mentally ill.

@Rokan I know this is totally confusing to explain to anyone who hasn't experienced it. It's just as confusing for me a lot of the time. This lady I follow on Instagram well she explains something here that helps to understand

[media=https://instagram.com/DBwtITfMZ-1]

@AbsolutelyFabulous you think i haven't experienced it? I was kicked out of my house at the age of 7 by my alcohoiloc mother for hitting her bf with a bat to get him to stop hitting her. Thats only 1 experience out of thousands. I only asked because i wanted to be sure before i said my next part. I was going to say that if you are ever in real trouble that hitting someone in the throat will topple even the strongest man.

@AbsolutelyFabulous i also asked questions to figure out where your head space was. Some people think they deserve the abuse and they are impossible to talk to.