Honoring a Complete Stranger

Here's where I am. Got engaged in May, then unexpectedly laid off at the end of June. It's hard not to feel knocked around by life. But one of the things I do for extra money is to help with sound/video/streaming at a church in NY state, and one of the events at the church was a funeral. Now, I had helped with a "celebration of life" before, but had never been to a funeral where I didn't know at least one person.

This particular event was for a former churchgoer who had lost his life in his 20s. He was an educated man. He spoke several languages, played sports, dabbled in music, and was, by all accounts, just a good, compassionate person. He was working on an engineering degree, had a serious girlfriend, and everything to look forward to.

That was bad enough, but at the end of the service, it was revealed that the man had taken his life in a nearby park.

I was gutted. He had cleaned his apartment top to bottom, wishing not to inconvenience anyone, and left a letter that said, among other things, "My brain is broken". This poor soul had suffered from anxiety and depression and didn't know how to go about, or was uncomfortable with, reaching out for help, Again, I'm guessing he didn't want to inconvenience anyone.

Something about this made me sad, made me angry, and made me wish I could have intervened. I will never know this person. And what about his struggle? It's all too common. And once the services are over, people are on their way, which is hopefully what does happen.

But what exactly is the takeaway? What was learned? To see his friends and family both gutted and stunned made me fight back tears while mixing the sound(there were musicians). I think what moved me the most is the people who had a look of "what the f**k? why are we here?"

It was a beautiful service, but I just didn't think that was enough. Mental health awareness in the US is a joke, and I'll never understand that--it has a devastating effect on so many people. Probably all of us.

So..in the memory of this man who succumbed to mental demons, I am organizing a symposium at the church where a mental health professional will lecture, then take questions from the audience. Perhaps we'll also have a book list, or a list of services or service providers. Maybe we can't help the man who passed, but at least we can UNDERSTAND what might have happened to him, and if we even save ONE person, that makes it all worthwhile.

I just wanted to do something besides move a few faders and offer condolences. That wasn't going to cut it. Depression is this insidious demon that robs so many people of so many things. I've experienced depression, and so have family and friends. I'll bet no one currently alive has not been affected by depression either directly or indirectly.

If I have my way, I'll get something going at both churches AND synagogues.

The fight begins with knowledge. And like an army, strategy works best when we arm the most people.

And while I'm still looking for my next day gig, at least I'm doing THIS. I can have a good effect. We all can. We can do things that have great results, even small ones.