I need to chill already

I make a new friend, and I want to spam them with messages, and get spammed in return because I'm excited that someone actually wants to talk to me. I know it's expecting too much of others in doing that though. They have lives outside of SW, and I do too although I try to prioritise them as much as I can.

This sounds like a dig at someone, but it's not meant as one. Or maybe as a dig at myself? I don't want to drive people away but I can't seem to do anything but this or being super depressed, both of which everyone seems to hate. Maybe I'm just meant to be alone for my whole life, with no friends and no chance at love at all. The latter already feels true. Maybe I was better off dead. Maybe I'm not better off dead. Maybe everyone secretly loves me in a platonic "he's so awesome" way. Maybe I'm just blinded to the truth by depression. It's probably that last one. I know several people here and in real life like me as a friend, and I know there are people here who like seeing me around. I'm not as sure about real life as nobody really ever spends time with me outside of work except my family who don'treally have a lot of choice, which has led to me thinking they secretly just tolerate me and actually are on the disliking side of ambivalence towards me.

I may never be able to see the woods for the depressive fugue state, so reassurance helps a lot. Like a puppy.

On another note, I hope Rivendell and Numenor get updated for MESBG this edition! They've had a lot of the same models since 2001. I'd love a new Elendil and Isildur and Gil-Galad in forgeworld resin, along with some crisp new Numenorean warriors that don't have the same 3 poses.

Bye! Thanks for reading, whoever gets to the end of this. The secret word is argle-bargle.