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Why is it considered cool for girls to say something along the lines of "giving a guy a chance" in the context of relationships?

I mean if we're talking about hookups it might make sense but otherwise it's basically saying

1- You find it cool to start a relationship with someone you don't like just as if you're "doing them a favour" and breaking their heart

2- You're also so proud of yourself for being so manipulative and careless of his feelings. You're manipulative to the point that you view yourself as someone kind giving someone more than what they deserve.

3- You consider that a relationship is the man's chance to prove his worth. While your only role in a relationship is to evaluate his worth.

Edit: If you're uncertain, you're "giving it or us a chance" and that's very different than saying "giving him a chance"

I mean, if we're friends and you use this expression, please don't take this as if I'm talking about you, but I just can't help but see it this way.

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GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M

If the relationship is new and we have not had a chance to explore our personalities or chemistry together I would consider her “giving it a chance “ to find out honest and helpful

SW-User

@GJOFJ3 Exactly, what I've just replied to Patientlywaiting

hartfire

No, it's not as simple as that.

Men also evaluate and judge women.

1. It's possible to like a person on first impression - but later discover traits that are unacceptable.
For instance, many years ago, I met a "Buddhist" who claimed to be a manager in a communications company. It turned out later that he hardly knew anything about Buddhism, had never meditated, and his work was ground floor level, putting ads to together under instruction from the designers and writers. He turned out to be quite neurotic and dysfunctional.

2.[i] Some[/i] women are manipulative. But then, so are some men.
If you learn how to recognise manipulative traits you'll find it easy to stay clear of those types.

3. Some women are looking for a potential husband and father to their kids - so for them "worthy" means someone able to do well in those roles. That's not unreasonable considering how important a secure and loving family is for kids' future happiness and success.

If a person talks straight, pays their share on dates (takes turns), displays good boundaries and respects yours, and takes responsibility for her own thoughts, feelings and actions - you've probably found your mate.

I'm sorry you've been having such a rough time.

SW-User

@hartfire I never implied that all women are bad or anything like that tho. I'm just discussing an expression that I find effed up but apparently today's society finds it acceptable

hartfire

@SW-User Thanks for the clarification.

If one were talking about "hook-ups" the only thing the woman wants there is sexual satisfaction. In bed if the man doesn't give as good as he gets he won't get another opportunity.

Maybe the acceptability of the phrase is connected to the increasing levels of conservatism - more women looking for serious, long term committed relationships.
These things do change.
For much of history marriages were arranged. Still are in many countries. In those cultures, the parents evaluate the "worth" of the prospective son or daughter in law. Each side tries to find the most advantageous partner for their child and their family. Credentials include education, career, life skills (cooking/ home repairs), bride price and details of the marriage contract. The result is usually that each partner is the social and economic equal of the other. Since the roles of husband and wife are set and clear, there tends to be a low divorce rate in these cultures - though we don't know for sure what percentage are actually happy.

Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

I think it just means undecided. Not offensive just honest. Men are undecided about women too.

SW-User

@Muthafukajones please see the update

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Patientlywaiting · 46-50, FVIP

In the early days of a relationship, sometimes you're not always sure that the person is for you so in conversation with others you might get say "I'll give him a chance" doesn't mean you're manipulative, uncaring or egotistical. Just that you are not quite sure. 🤷

SW-User

@Patientlywaiting There's a huge difference between "giving it or us a chance" versus "giving him a chance"

Patientlywaiting · 46-50, FVIP

@SW-User the other thing I thought about is that women are often more emotional with hidden insecurities, especially younger women. Projecting a view that she's "giving him a chance" is communicating that there are lots of other options, she's pursued and can take her pick. It probably makes her seem more confident. Also younger women are very used to getting played by men, so maybe she thinks it's cool to make out she's doing a bit of that herself.

Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M

everything man vs woman stems from the limited reproduction capabilities of women that makes them higher value

SW-User

@Jackaloftheazuresand ?

Jackaloftheazuresand · 26-30, M

@SW-User a woman can only carry one pregnancy at a time and it takes almost a year, a man can father many more so he is a commodity. This is why women get to be arbiters, they are simply more important to human survival

Dshhh · M

back away slowly

SW-User

@Dshhh it's not about me

Dshhh · M

@SW-User tell who it is about,,, they can do better

bijouxbroussard · F

It’s funny, I don’t generally use that term, but I understand the context. It’s normal to like someone but not be certain if the potential exists for something longterm and permanent. "Giving him/her a chance" might simply mean being willing to see where things go.

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SW-User

@bijouxbroussard Did you ever hear a man say "I gave her a chance" tho?

bijouxbroussard · F

@SW-User Absolutely. But admittedly, it was in situations where the woman did the pursuing, so that might be the dynamic.

SW-User

@bijouxbroussard That's a good point 🤔

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