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PaleandPolluted I meant to wait, I was 21 and engaged to a Christian girl who was also a virgin
She offered me to have sex with her and of course we both would have married at that point, but I was still trying to wait
Months later when we broke up, I was really messed up, was praying every day many hours a day basically all day for about six months for God to let me die, but I didn’t have faith for even that left at that point
I wound up having sex with the next woman I dated, thinking if I did she wouldn’t leave
A year after that I wound up engaged to a kinky little brat, told her I wanted to wait for sex, and her literal response was “fuck that”, and I was still not right in the head and wanted her and I went with it
It took me seven years after splitting from my first fiancée to actually be ok again, I probably could have been put into a looney bin at any point in the first several years after that
