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Im done. *Trigger Warning to a lot of stuff (Sorry)

I think I am done. I have absolutely no purpose. And the past three years everyone has told me "Its gets better, It gets better" but it hasn't. In fact its got worse. Everyone I love is dying. I have no freinds. No one on this planet wants me alive. Honestly if I went outside and yelled "IM GOING TO DIE" someone would yell back "good." Cause I am not joking. Ive almost been murdered twice, Ive been emotionally and physically abused all of my life. My parents are complicated, my brother doesn't care. No one talks to me outside of school. And the people who talk to me at school laugh at me. Im constantly told that everyone in the world has it worse than me and I should be grateful, but when over the summer you lose one of your friends to suicide, two others end up in the hospital because of it, you had to listen to your friend die on the phone cause you were talking them out of it, you feel like its all your fault for everything, two of your relatives die, the only relative that has always loved you gets diagnosed with stage four cancer, people constantly bully and harass you, you have no friends, and you tell no one how you just wanna die because the guilt of killing your friend is eating you up inside, I feel like I can have the right to feel like my life is bad. I don't eat as much as I should, on a good day I eat dinner, most days I go without anything. I try to talk to people but feel like I am an irritating prick, and all of this was only this year. Last year had its own barrel of issues. So I want out. I don't wanna have to live through another year of pain like this. I just want a hug. I want a friend. I want to learn how to make friends, and ya know have a sleepover. Ive never done that before. But maybe I'll leave before I get the chance, cause why live if Im going to go through a worse year than this.
Queendragonfly · 31-35, F
Hi. I'm sorry for all you've been through. You're right it never helps to hear people compare and claim you have it easy. I went through a lot in your age too and I recognize your feelings.

Lonliness can kill a person. So many people would feel better if they just had someone they could lean on so I understand the pain. I went through a lot of lonliness too. I coped by helping others online and I had pets. And Disney movies as my escape.

I was told it's gonna get better too. On and on. It hurt to hear it over and over when results were just more pain. But something inside me must have believed it cause I'm here 15 years later. And I have people now who think the world of me. People I matter to.

I don't want you to miss out on that. I think you will have it too. Teen years are so lonely by default to most people. Hang in there. Find something to hold on to. Anything. You're not alone.

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