Sometimes I wish I could have that feeling from childhood

; a feeling of being wrapped up in a cozy blanket, so peaceful. Looking around the room feeling like all that I could see- was all that I ever needed. I wish I could stare at the “thinking corner” in my childhood bedroom. That was the place I daydreamed about the future, or my crush, or something silly my friends and I could do at our next hangout. I cried staring at that corner when something didn’t work out too, but especially in my youngest years, that corner was full of joyful dreams. I didn’t feel lost… I don’t understand why adulthood has to feel like an endless unsettling journey; nothing is too safe, nothing is too good, people come and go all the time, I have to act on point or else I’ll lose the ball and it all falls apart. Gotta keep goin for the goal! As if the goal will solve everything. You have your doubts some days-But you do it anyway bc it’s part of the act of keeping it together. You make ends meet, but you know that one misplaced thing will push you over and this balancing act will collapse …I don’t look at corners anymore. Too many things are unpredictable. I don’t look at myself in the mirror anymore either, sure I brush my hair and teeth and fix my make up, but I don’t rly look at myself. Too many things to do during the day within so little time…Theres nothing wrong, but nothing is really quite right. We learn to ignore it. In fact we’ve found various ways to cope, and some of those ways we also ignore, heh heh heh. Smh. Sigh… On to the next step…( and the next, and the next:::…, )