Nina's Blog - Tuesday 27th January 2026
Completed today's one essential task. Wasn't as scary as I thought it might be.
Here's the background:
- It was about an email from my oldest friend. We have known each other since we were about fourteen in 1969.
- We only had sporadic contact once he left school for work and I went to university
- He went to France to work for a few years and then we left for Norway.
- we didn't meet again until we both had children
- he and his wife split up,
- my wife and I visited him and his girlfriend once for an afternoon
- then we didn't see each other until the year after my wife died when I visited them in France. At that time I had a full beard, was dressed male, hadn't had my ears pierced.
- In August 2024 I visited again. This time with pierced ears, wearing jewellery and fem-ish clothing. No skirt but very short shorts. See https://similarworlds.com/social/blogs/5086237-Ninas-Blog-Friday-23rd-August-2024
- In September last year, 2025, I visited again just for a couple of days as they were expecting other visitors. This time in full fem mode including a padded bra (not so big as I usually wear).
- This time my friend actually asked me about the changes. We had a perfectly reasonable discussion about it. One thing did strike me as odd though: he said he had never met a transperson. As he is a well travelled, sophisticated man, with an out gay son that struck me as rather unlikely but I didn't pursue it.
- Sometime after arriving home I emailed him and his new wife (the girlfriend mentioned earlier) to pass on the email address of a friend who he lost contact with and to thank them for their hospitality.
So far so good.
But the reply to my email was a bit of a shock. It was perfectly polite of course because he and his wife are kind people. But he made the point that they should have reacted after my 2024 visit to say that they had been uncomfortable with the situation and felt that I should have warned them before arriving that I would be dressed as a woman. Those were his exact words, I'm not sure why I feel that matters.
His email went on to say that they felt they could no longer host me. I suppose that's politer than saying that I would be unwelcome.
He made a number of other points too but the general idea was essentially that I had been insensitive and that our friendship was even more tenuous than the lack of contact over the years warranted.
I replied admitting the charge of insensitivity. It's not something I could really deny, my wife and sister have both pointed it out.
Within less than two days I had a reply to my reply. I felt too fragile to even open it until today a couple of weeks later for fear of what else it might say. But while it didn't retract anything nor issue an invitation to visit in the future it was perfectly cordial and thoughtful. So I've lost visiting 'rights' but not entirely lost a friend.
I think I can explain my insensitivity on this occasion at least partially (explain, not excuse). In the blog post for 23rd August 2024 I mentioned that my experience of cross dressing had been one of hammering on doors that were already open. That coupled with the aforementioned insensitivity to others opinions led me to believe that no one cared how I dressed. Of course what I should have considered was that the people who didn't care were not close enough for their opinion to matter anyway.
So I have learnt a lesson, surprises are not always welcome. The challenge now is to see how well I can put it into practice. I haven't met my in-laws since I decided to come out and there are a few friends, people I exchange Christmas cards with, who say I'm welcome to visit who likewise have never seen me in a skirt. Most have never seen me without a beard. That also goes for my former colleagues.
So now I wonder how to go about it. Should I mass mail a picture of me dressed right now or wait until the likelihood of actually visiting any of them is more likely?
Here's the background:
- It was about an email from my oldest friend. We have known each other since we were about fourteen in 1969.
- We only had sporadic contact once he left school for work and I went to university
- He went to France to work for a few years and then we left for Norway.
- we didn't meet again until we both had children
- he and his wife split up,
- my wife and I visited him and his girlfriend once for an afternoon
- then we didn't see each other until the year after my wife died when I visited them in France. At that time I had a full beard, was dressed male, hadn't had my ears pierced.
- In August 2024 I visited again. This time with pierced ears, wearing jewellery and fem-ish clothing. No skirt but very short shorts. See https://similarworlds.com/social/blogs/5086237-Ninas-Blog-Friday-23rd-August-2024
- In September last year, 2025, I visited again just for a couple of days as they were expecting other visitors. This time in full fem mode including a padded bra (not so big as I usually wear).
- This time my friend actually asked me about the changes. We had a perfectly reasonable discussion about it. One thing did strike me as odd though: he said he had never met a transperson. As he is a well travelled, sophisticated man, with an out gay son that struck me as rather unlikely but I didn't pursue it.
- Sometime after arriving home I emailed him and his new wife (the girlfriend mentioned earlier) to pass on the email address of a friend who he lost contact with and to thank them for their hospitality.
So far so good.
But the reply to my email was a bit of a shock. It was perfectly polite of course because he and his wife are kind people. But he made the point that they should have reacted after my 2024 visit to say that they had been uncomfortable with the situation and felt that I should have warned them before arriving that I would be dressed as a woman. Those were his exact words, I'm not sure why I feel that matters.
His email went on to say that they felt they could no longer host me. I suppose that's politer than saying that I would be unwelcome.
He made a number of other points too but the general idea was essentially that I had been insensitive and that our friendship was even more tenuous than the lack of contact over the years warranted.
I replied admitting the charge of insensitivity. It's not something I could really deny, my wife and sister have both pointed it out.
Within less than two days I had a reply to my reply. I felt too fragile to even open it until today a couple of weeks later for fear of what else it might say. But while it didn't retract anything nor issue an invitation to visit in the future it was perfectly cordial and thoughtful. So I've lost visiting 'rights' but not entirely lost a friend.
I think I can explain my insensitivity on this occasion at least partially (explain, not excuse). In the blog post for 23rd August 2024 I mentioned that my experience of cross dressing had been one of hammering on doors that were already open. That coupled with the aforementioned insensitivity to others opinions led me to believe that no one cared how I dressed. Of course what I should have considered was that the people who didn't care were not close enough for their opinion to matter anyway.
So I have learnt a lesson, surprises are not always welcome. The challenge now is to see how well I can put it into practice. I haven't met my in-laws since I decided to come out and there are a few friends, people I exchange Christmas cards with, who say I'm welcome to visit who likewise have never seen me in a skirt. Most have never seen me without a beard. That also goes for my former colleagues.
So now I wonder how to go about it. Should I mass mail a picture of me dressed right now or wait until the likelihood of actually visiting any of them is more likely?
61-69, T
