Royal Diary
A bunch of entries made over the course of time.
Thought I should post them before they get too long for anyone to bother reading.
Not that I'm posting for anyone.
This is for me.
One day I'll look back to these days, hopefully from a better place in life.
Ah!
Omnes spes demortae sunt.
[sep]
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't feel like myself anymore, sometimes.
I don't know if it's just a phase in life.
Or a new reality that I just can't come to terms with.
The only thing that keeps me sane is discipline.
Wake up, shower, cook, work, train...
There's no destination.
But I have to keep going.
[sep]
What happened to us?
A song. I can't find it on YouTube anymore.
I've tried every search string possible.
Can't find it.
[sep]
I look around me and I see a lot of people in pain.
Pain masked by smiles
Pain masked by laughter
Pain masked with jokes
If I could them right in the eyes, I could see their pain.
[sep]
They've built walls around them.
Cautious, suspicious, distrustful, wary
Man really is the most dangerous species on earth.
[sep]
Perhaps I'm not the only one who feels lost.
Everyone's standing at the station.
But not to board the train.
Maybe someone's there to jump.
[sep]
One step forward, two steps back.
Three steps forward, one step back.
Story of my life.
At this point last year, I thought I'd be in a completely different place in life right now.
I'm not.
I thought I'd turn everything around for the better.
I haven't.
[sep]
Why won't this sadness leave me?
What do people do to escape sadness and depression?
[sep]
The little things bother me.
Even the most minor absurd things haunt my mind.
I can't stop thinking about them.
I can't stop obsessing over them.
It's killing me slowly, deep down inside.
It's scratching my soul away, bit by bit.
Why can't I just let go?
But I can't.
I just can't.
I'm an obsessive person.
Not the best trait for someone like me.
[sep]
I've had really bad luck with women.
It never seems to change.
Sad face.
[sep]
At what point should one give up?
When I should finally accept that my life will never change?
Things will never get better?
I will never find love?
Nobody will ever love me again?
[sep]
My career path is a sine wave.
I make progress, then get pushed back down to the sh!t jobs.
Some people suffer from success.
They're so successful, they don't know how to deal with it.
I'm suffering from failure.
[sep]
No matter how hard I try,
I keep getting pushed back down.
To the dirt I belong.
A message from the universe.
[sep]
Over 10,000 songs bookmarked over the course of the years.
Each one defines a certain feeling and emotion that I had when I first listened to it.
That's a lot of potential.
Will I ever go through with it?
Thought I should post them before they get too long for anyone to bother reading.
Not that I'm posting for anyone.
This is for me.
One day I'll look back to these days, hopefully from a better place in life.
Ah!
Omnes spes demortae sunt.
[sep]
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I don't feel like myself anymore, sometimes.
I don't know if it's just a phase in life.
Or a new reality that I just can't come to terms with.
The only thing that keeps me sane is discipline.
Wake up, shower, cook, work, train...
There's no destination.
But I have to keep going.
[sep]
What happened to us?
A song. I can't find it on YouTube anymore.
I've tried every search string possible.
Can't find it.
[sep]
I look around me and I see a lot of people in pain.
Pain masked by smiles
Pain masked by laughter
Pain masked with jokes
If I could them right in the eyes, I could see their pain.
[sep]
They've built walls around them.
Cautious, suspicious, distrustful, wary
Man really is the most dangerous species on earth.
[sep]
Perhaps I'm not the only one who feels lost.
Everyone's standing at the station.
But not to board the train.
Maybe someone's there to jump.
[sep]
One step forward, two steps back.
Three steps forward, one step back.
Story of my life.
At this point last year, I thought I'd be in a completely different place in life right now.
I'm not.
I thought I'd turn everything around for the better.
I haven't.
[sep]
Why won't this sadness leave me?
What do people do to escape sadness and depression?
[sep]
The little things bother me.
Even the most minor absurd things haunt my mind.
I can't stop thinking about them.
I can't stop obsessing over them.
It's killing me slowly, deep down inside.
It's scratching my soul away, bit by bit.
Why can't I just let go?
But I can't.
I just can't.
I'm an obsessive person.
Not the best trait for someone like me.
[sep]
I've had really bad luck with women.
It never seems to change.
Sad face.
[sep]
At what point should one give up?
When I should finally accept that my life will never change?
Things will never get better?
I will never find love?
Nobody will ever love me again?
[sep]
My career path is a sine wave.
I make progress, then get pushed back down to the sh!t jobs.
Some people suffer from success.
They're so successful, they don't know how to deal with it.
I'm suffering from failure.
[sep]
No matter how hard I try,
I keep getting pushed back down.
To the dirt I belong.
A message from the universe.
[sep]
Over 10,000 songs bookmarked over the course of the years.
Each one defines a certain feeling and emotion that I had when I first listened to it.
That's a lot of potential.
Will I ever go through with it?
31-35, M
