I'm feeling lost these days - Part 1

Since last year, my life has undergone many changes. I won't go into details, just the big lines.
I left my mom's home, got a cool first job, and had my own tiny flat.
This was so new for me, I loved so much to be all alone in my small room. I used to live in a small apartment with my mom and my two sisters, we managed to live like this, It wasn't easy, especially during Covid 19 and Quarantine era. So even if my room is small I love it, I am all by myself.

I was in a two-year relationship but we broke up in march 2022, it was difficult, I left because I was tired of our arguments, and I was scared to miss opportunities, I wanted to experiment more..I regret til now the way I ended up things. I was focused on my projects ( my professional life and developing my artistic career) and had lots of successful achievements. However a void in me, this void that always ruins everything surfaced. I wanted to quit everything, I was paranoid, I thought everyone was against me, and at work, tensions were quick to feel. I was consumed inside and my first assumption was that I needed some fun, I have been too serious. Instead of focusing on myself and being proud of the luck that I had on my projects, I ran after distractions.

I wanted to experiment and live my life the way I desired.
I was so comforted by this single lady living in the city's way of life that I was hungering for flatteries from guys, and I got into some affairs. It was fun but with hindsight, I regret giving up on my past relationship. He was my best friend, my soulmate and I abandoned him because I was scared and unsure of where I was going, he was dealing with so much I was unable to help him, and he made me feel not good enough...

In the summer I started hanging out with skaters through a friend. My friend has always been obsessed with skaters, she finds them hot, and she is close to the limit of fetishizing them.
At first, I was reticent about hanging out with them. But then I felt like it was very fun to do all the things I haven't done when I was a teen because I was too absorbed in studying and building my future.

Hanging out in the streets very late skating completely drunk with cool people (models, stylists, etc) even though I was going to work early in the morning.
I am into art myself but this was a new culture, and new codes to learn. I love the determination that skateboarding teaches, falling on the floor and breaking my body and doing it again til I can do the tricks made me feel alive.
I saw a community very vulnerable to the danger of the streets. Lost and broken souls.
I quickly fell in love with one of them. When I say quickly we started dating after a few days. I am not used to this but he is cute, very charismatic, funny but broken, and alcoholic. And I have unfortunately the savior syndrome...

Next part of this soon

Feels good to come back to this platform, I used to be on EP when I was a teen. It really helped.