July 26th 2022
I feel like I am one of those people that are too sad & too depressed to be loved and liked, like me being around other people will make them sad and depressed. I feel like my depression and sadness will rub off on them and make them sad so I shut people out, I don't participate in conversations and don't talk unless absolutely need to. I feel like that I am doing everyone a favor by just disappearing is what best for everyone even if it means that I am very lonely and feel alone.
I was invited out tonight and I lied and said i was busy and i wasn't I just didn't wanna make anyone feel as bad as I currently do. I would do anything to prevent someone from feeling this bad because it trult is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, the isolation, the despair, I feel like I couldn't possibly go out because I wouldn't be able to hide it and no one deserves to be surrounded by sadness when they just wanna blow of some esteem and have fun.
I don't know how to get out of this bout of depression, I take my meds, I try and focus on other things but it is still alwaus there. I dont know if I need a med adjustment or what, I've a teladoc apt with my therapist in the morning and I honestly don't know what to even tell him because it seems like it's all the same shit I've said in the past.
I really hate that this is how it is and how I I feeling if I could make it better I would because I feel like I'm just hurting hurting people that care qbout me because I can't snap out of this.
I was invited out tonight and I lied and said i was busy and i wasn't I just didn't wanna make anyone feel as bad as I currently do. I would do anything to prevent someone from feeling this bad because it trult is something that I wouldn't wish on anyone, the isolation, the despair, I feel like I couldn't possibly go out because I wouldn't be able to hide it and no one deserves to be surrounded by sadness when they just wanna blow of some esteem and have fun.
I don't know how to get out of this bout of depression, I take my meds, I try and focus on other things but it is still alwaus there. I dont know if I need a med adjustment or what, I've a teladoc apt with my therapist in the morning and I honestly don't know what to even tell him because it seems like it's all the same shit I've said in the past.
I really hate that this is how it is and how I I feeling if I could make it better I would because I feel like I'm just hurting hurting people that care qbout me because I can't snap out of this.
