I know I talk a lot.. but I wanted to share some of my legal issues since I never do
I've been drinking for a long time. I started at age 11 & I have many many stories there, but I'll try to stick to the point here.
I've said this here in questions before but I learned to drive by drinking 🤷 nobody would teach me because I was a "bad kid", so I would steal cars with my friends while we drank & thats how I first started driving. That made driving sober easy as hell to me but it also made me feel way too comfortable with drinking & driving. Even as I got my life together & worked to make better decisions, I was still always drinking. & Since I always had places to go, I never thought twice about driving drunk. I did it just fine & never had a problem.
Until the day I drove my car into that wall. Some of you know that story. But it wasn't because I was drinking, it wasn't because I lost control, that was a decision I made & intentionally acted on.
Anyway, while I stood in court, the judge read my case out loud to me. I was the last person standing in the courtroom so she could take as much time on me as she wanted. I was being charged with "super extreme DUI" which is the highest level of intoxication you could get.
When she finished reading it all she looked at me & I thought she was about to law down the law on me.
She told me (I'll quote the exact way I remember her words),
"Son, you are only 23 years old. The only people I see come in here with a super extreme DUI, are middle aged men who have been drinking their whole lives, or college girls who are reckless & simply don't know their limit.
You seem different to me. The fact that your alcohol level was so extreme & you were driving perfectly fine without any indication of you being impaired, tells me that you've been doing this for a very long time. Not just drinking for a long time, but you've been drinking & driving for a long time too. Because most people with your alcohol level won't be able to even SEE the vehicle they're getting into, let alone drive it.
I think you're a smart young man & that perhaps you have a real problem you may need to address".
She said more but those are the main points I remember.
Judges aren't required to lecture you, sympathize with you, or anything like that but even the look in her eyes was watery & her voice sounded like she might cry. My guess is that maybe I reminded her of someone in her life... idk.
A year later though I was still doing the same shit. I felt bad for it but I didn't change. Then one day I got pulled over driving home from work. I got stopped for a broken headlight but I was drinking a beer as I was driving once again.
My license was still suspended from my first DUI so he was making me call someone to pick me up but he decided he wasn't going to tow my car (he was giving me a huge break for that). He didn't acknowledge the alcohol in the car at all until the very end after my ride showed up.
He asked me "hey one more thing, have you been drinking tonight?" & I said no.
His response was,
"Well I could tell you off that bat, thats a lie. Because I can smell the alcohol on you & I can see the open beer bottle hidden in your backseat. But don't worry, you're still free to go. I just want to address that because your license is currently suspended over a DUI. If I were to charge you for this right now, this could really screw you. You're too young to destroy your life like this & I could tell that you have people in your life who care about you & who would want to help you. I think maybe you need that help".
Once again, I was shocked by a complete stranger, someone who should've been laying down the law, showing me that they were truly worried for me. I'm sorry to say though, that even though I was touched.. I still did not stop or change.
I got my next (& last) DUI a year ago.
I was drinking all day every day at the time because I was still extremely depressed, even worse than before. Driving place to place keeping the party going wherever I went. I went to my moms one night & I stopped drinking at midnight & stayed awake all night trying to sober up before heading home.
At 7am I started heading home. My mom tried making me stay & sleep but I wouldn't listen. I wanted to go home. I felt mostly sober but I was completely tired & drained.
I fell asleep at the wheel while getting off the freeway. I didn't hit anyone or anything. I was stationary. But I woke up to cops taking the keys out of my car & pulling me out so I instantly knew I was screwed this time.
I was hit with multiple charges that time. One was because I had a gun on me as well (which isn't illegal here) but since there was a bullet hole in my windshield (not even from that night, thats a different story), they threw in "disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon".
So in one stop I got hit with aggravated DUI, gun charges, drug charges, all of which are felonies.
I still haven't gone to court. Quite honestly, I'm currently what they consider "wanted".
I have a few warrants for my arrest & I'm being extremely careful these days because if I come into contact with police, all they have to do is check my name then I'm getting arrested.
I know I need to take care of it & I know that some people in my life think I'm just running from it.
I've been arrested many times in my life but never had to stay for a long time before. I'm not trying to run from that because I don't wanna face my consequences... I'll take responsibility for my actions. I'm just afraid of getting screwed by the courts & the system. Because I'm gonna have to serve time regardless, I'm just trying to make it as little as possible or maybe even get work release or something.
Because walking in with my current charges & no good lawyer, will easily land me anywhere between 8 months-10 years.
I'm spending my days right now trying to get my life together & seriously change. I don't wanna go in front of a judge & lie that I'm doing better. I wanna go in front of a judge & prove it. Show it. I want to work with people that truly need me where I make good enough money to pay for a lawyer who actually cares about me & is trying to help me.
Because with I'm the position I'm in now, every lawyer I called, I can't afford... & most don't even sound like they believe me or give a damn when I tell them my story.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. Idk who would even read all this & stay interested. But if you did then thank you. I could say so much more but I tried to keep it direct enough.
Despite my username though, I don't drink like I used to. I don't even like the feeling of being "drunk" anymore. I think my whole life I always "drank to get drunk".
Like once you have a drink, you have to have another, & another, & its never enough until you're wasted & ready for bed.
Idk how but somehow I got over that this year. I'll have a beer or a few some nights, but this year I've only been drunk maybe, 3 times 🤔 all of which, were events I was hanging out with people though. Not by myself like I used to do.
I just had to realize that drinking was ruining my life. Not because I couldn't handle it... but because I couldn't stop drinking it even when I knew that hopping in my car might land me in prison.
I don't tell people any of this because I'm ashamed of it. Drunk driving has taken so many lives & I could never live with myself if I hurt anybody. I understand theres people who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers. I always have this fear of someone finding out I did the same crime that once killed someone they love. I wouldn't blame them for hating me. I'll take that. It's like I feel sorry even though the only person I hurt is myself.
I've said this here in questions before but I learned to drive by drinking 🤷 nobody would teach me because I was a "bad kid", so I would steal cars with my friends while we drank & thats how I first started driving. That made driving sober easy as hell to me but it also made me feel way too comfortable with drinking & driving. Even as I got my life together & worked to make better decisions, I was still always drinking. & Since I always had places to go, I never thought twice about driving drunk. I did it just fine & never had a problem.
Until the day I drove my car into that wall. Some of you know that story. But it wasn't because I was drinking, it wasn't because I lost control, that was a decision I made & intentionally acted on.
Anyway, while I stood in court, the judge read my case out loud to me. I was the last person standing in the courtroom so she could take as much time on me as she wanted. I was being charged with "super extreme DUI" which is the highest level of intoxication you could get.
When she finished reading it all she looked at me & I thought she was about to law down the law on me.
She told me (I'll quote the exact way I remember her words),
"Son, you are only 23 years old. The only people I see come in here with a super extreme DUI, are middle aged men who have been drinking their whole lives, or college girls who are reckless & simply don't know their limit.
You seem different to me. The fact that your alcohol level was so extreme & you were driving perfectly fine without any indication of you being impaired, tells me that you've been doing this for a very long time. Not just drinking for a long time, but you've been drinking & driving for a long time too. Because most people with your alcohol level won't be able to even SEE the vehicle they're getting into, let alone drive it.
I think you're a smart young man & that perhaps you have a real problem you may need to address".
She said more but those are the main points I remember.
Judges aren't required to lecture you, sympathize with you, or anything like that but even the look in her eyes was watery & her voice sounded like she might cry. My guess is that maybe I reminded her of someone in her life... idk.
A year later though I was still doing the same shit. I felt bad for it but I didn't change. Then one day I got pulled over driving home from work. I got stopped for a broken headlight but I was drinking a beer as I was driving once again.
My license was still suspended from my first DUI so he was making me call someone to pick me up but he decided he wasn't going to tow my car (he was giving me a huge break for that). He didn't acknowledge the alcohol in the car at all until the very end after my ride showed up.
He asked me "hey one more thing, have you been drinking tonight?" & I said no.
His response was,
"Well I could tell you off that bat, thats a lie. Because I can smell the alcohol on you & I can see the open beer bottle hidden in your backseat. But don't worry, you're still free to go. I just want to address that because your license is currently suspended over a DUI. If I were to charge you for this right now, this could really screw you. You're too young to destroy your life like this & I could tell that you have people in your life who care about you & who would want to help you. I think maybe you need that help".
Once again, I was shocked by a complete stranger, someone who should've been laying down the law, showing me that they were truly worried for me. I'm sorry to say though, that even though I was touched.. I still did not stop or change.
I got my next (& last) DUI a year ago.
I was drinking all day every day at the time because I was still extremely depressed, even worse than before. Driving place to place keeping the party going wherever I went. I went to my moms one night & I stopped drinking at midnight & stayed awake all night trying to sober up before heading home.
At 7am I started heading home. My mom tried making me stay & sleep but I wouldn't listen. I wanted to go home. I felt mostly sober but I was completely tired & drained.
I fell asleep at the wheel while getting off the freeway. I didn't hit anyone or anything. I was stationary. But I woke up to cops taking the keys out of my car & pulling me out so I instantly knew I was screwed this time.
I was hit with multiple charges that time. One was because I had a gun on me as well (which isn't illegal here) but since there was a bullet hole in my windshield (not even from that night, thats a different story), they threw in "disorderly conduct with a deadly weapon".
So in one stop I got hit with aggravated DUI, gun charges, drug charges, all of which are felonies.
I still haven't gone to court. Quite honestly, I'm currently what they consider "wanted".
I have a few warrants for my arrest & I'm being extremely careful these days because if I come into contact with police, all they have to do is check my name then I'm getting arrested.
I know I need to take care of it & I know that some people in my life think I'm just running from it.
I've been arrested many times in my life but never had to stay for a long time before. I'm not trying to run from that because I don't wanna face my consequences... I'll take responsibility for my actions. I'm just afraid of getting screwed by the courts & the system. Because I'm gonna have to serve time regardless, I'm just trying to make it as little as possible or maybe even get work release or something.
Because walking in with my current charges & no good lawyer, will easily land me anywhere between 8 months-10 years.
I'm spending my days right now trying to get my life together & seriously change. I don't wanna go in front of a judge & lie that I'm doing better. I wanna go in front of a judge & prove it. Show it. I want to work with people that truly need me where I make good enough money to pay for a lawyer who actually cares about me & is trying to help me.
Because with I'm the position I'm in now, every lawyer I called, I can't afford... & most don't even sound like they believe me or give a damn when I tell them my story.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. Idk who would even read all this & stay interested. But if you did then thank you. I could say so much more but I tried to keep it direct enough.
Despite my username though, I don't drink like I used to. I don't even like the feeling of being "drunk" anymore. I think my whole life I always "drank to get drunk".
Like once you have a drink, you have to have another, & another, & its never enough until you're wasted & ready for bed.
Idk how but somehow I got over that this year. I'll have a beer or a few some nights, but this year I've only been drunk maybe, 3 times 🤔 all of which, were events I was hanging out with people though. Not by myself like I used to do.
I just had to realize that drinking was ruining my life. Not because I couldn't handle it... but because I couldn't stop drinking it even when I knew that hopping in my car might land me in prison.
I don't tell people any of this because I'm ashamed of it. Drunk driving has taken so many lives & I could never live with myself if I hurt anybody. I understand theres people who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers. I always have this fear of someone finding out I did the same crime that once killed someone they love. I wouldn't blame them for hating me. I'll take that. It's like I feel sorry even though the only person I hurt is myself.
