I havnt posted… in a long while—- could it be a year?? Amazing.

Anyhoo, I still havnt found my place in the world. I have a job getting me by. I have my friends. I have hobbies. I’m even starting some new classes in hopes they give me a life direction… I’m not depressed anymore but naturally as I start to feel good about everything I start to wonder if there’s anything considered to be “ too good” and I catch myself trying to self sanstoge. Not today! I’m pushing back! I also start giving up, now that’s a difficult one for me to be able to push back on bc giving up sounds so good at a glance, and after all I just want to be freee! — but yes, I know that in giving up I’m not living the life I dream of; I’m nothing. … Remember when you were eight years old all bundled up in a blanket on the couch watching your favorite tv show after a nice warm shower. The sense of calmness and love and warmth around you. No need to panic about rent or food or car stuff or bills… *sigh* I’m getting REAL tired of living paycheck to paycheck. Always thought it was just gonna be a phase in my mid twenties, and welp now it’s 10yrs later and no dream job came into fruition for me *knockonwood* The dream changed like atleast 3 times, and nothing happened. I’m still serving… Somehow I’m anxious and tired at the same time right now. I have to wake up to go to work In like —- 5.5hrs smh. I hope I fall asleep soon. Journaling is atleast relaxing… thanks for reading, I hope your life continues on to be very well!