I'm working on being more emotionally vulnerable

And thinking of what that looks like in a healthy way.

I get really scared of disappointment and have a fear of abandonment. It's not even the reality of it, the anticipation of it hurts. I often abandon myself first by keeping distance to save myself from the possibility of it. It's maladaptive but that's the truth.

It makes having feelings for people scary, i feel like if I let them in they'll run away. I need to let my walls down for someone to get a chance, but it makes me sensitive to them and brings up some really hard emotions for me.

It's like it's so heavy that I can't tell someone that straight up.

Wanted to vent