I Am Working On Myself

Lately, I've become aware of some things I don't like about myself that I want to change. At my job, I keep losing clients to my co-workers, and this is deeply hurtful. I try to stay positive, and improve myself and do my best for my clients. But I still feel very hurt when my clients choose another therapist. There is one person, in particular, I don't care for very much. She seems so negative and has too much drama, and can be very unfriendly. It upsets me most when she gets my clients. I know it's wrong to judge her. Maybe these things I see in her are my own projections. Maybe she's a sweetheart to her clients. Maybe she's just a better therapist. I know that massage is subjective, and obviously these clients prefer the massage she gives. I know it's immature and ugly of me to wish people would dislike her because of her personality. Or to see through her "fake " nice. I really want to stop feeling this way towards others. I don't like feeling mean towards other people, or the realization that I'm judging someone and being a harsh critic. I do this to myself. I used to be much more critical of myself. I thought i had improved. And maybe I did. But if I'm still judging others and wanting other people not to like them, that tells me part of me is judging myself. Otherwise, how could I be judging others? It must be subconscious dialogue, where I'm telling myself I am no good. Then it projects onto others. I see in them, things I don't like about myself. Things I don't consciously think about. I need to bring these unwanted thoughts up so I can release them. Honor the feelings, then release the negative thoughts.

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SW-User

Why don't you talk to her about what you think, what you feel about working together?

Look, when I choose a massage therapist I need to feel that she is not fake and she is likeable. And the more important for me is to feel, that she thinks the same about me. I know that massaging is a professional relationship between the patient and the masseuse, without emotions, but for me it's easier to relax when I feel that we are not strangers.

So... I don't know where you live, and work and... but if you feel uncomfortable the place where you work right now, you should try to look for another employer or just start your own business.

Kpinkheartcrystals · 51-55, F

@SW-User Hi, and thank you for your reply. I agree with you on wanting a therapist to be professional, yet also authentic, and genuinely interested in me as a person and not only as a client. So yes, warmth and caring. I guess I should talk to this person, just to get to know her better. I kind of dread this though, because I feel like she finds me off-putting. My other co-workers and I get along well. I do genuinely care about all my clients. I know I take things too personally, sometimes.

SW-User

@Kpinkheartcrystals why don't you ask her to massage you and then you can talk during the massage?

Kpinkheartcrystals · 51-55, F

@SW-User honestly, no. I hate talking during a massage. It just ruins the whole massage for me, if I have to talk. I already worked through this. I know what the problem is, and I am working on it. Things I need to improve, and not reacting when other co-workers are rude. I have accepted that some of my clients switched over, and I am ok with it now.