I Am Working On Myself

Lately, I've become aware of some things I don't like about myself that I want to change. At my job, I keep losing clients to my co-workers, and this is deeply hurtful. I try to stay positive, and improve myself and do my best for my clients. But I still feel very hurt when my clients choose another therapist. There is one person, in particular, I don't care for very much. She seems so negative and has too much drama, and can be very unfriendly. It upsets me most when she gets my clients. I know it's wrong to judge her. Maybe these things I see in her are my own projections. Maybe she's a sweetheart to her clients. Maybe she's just a better therapist. I know that massage is subjective, and obviously these clients prefer the massage she gives. I know it's immature and ugly of me to wish people would dislike her because of her personality. Or to see through her "fake " nice. I really want to stop feeling this way towards others. I don't like feeling mean towards other people, or the realization that I'm judging someone and being a harsh critic. I do this to myself. I used to be much more critical of myself. I thought i had improved. And maybe I did. But if I'm still judging others and wanting other people not to like them, that tells me part of me is judging myself. Otherwise, how could I be judging others? It must be subconscious dialogue, where I'm telling myself I am no good. Then it projects onto others. I see in them, things I don't like about myself. Things I don't consciously think about. I need to bring these unwanted thoughts up so I can release them. Honor the feelings, then release the negative thoughts.