Three Days Clean

For real this time. Weed tastes like shit. Klonopin just makes me sleep. What do I really get out of these habits? Shame, guilt, over awareness of my bones. It's not a good time. But when I want it, it's like wanting to claw my way through the floor of my own conscience. It's not a good feeling sitting through a craving. But it is a good feeling to reach out, to stay honest and willing. To approach my cravings with curiosity rather than putting myself down. I've been using this Mindshift app from Brown University, and it's been pretty helpful. They have cravings exercises and podcasts about how addiction manifests itself in the brain. It focuses on habit changing from the active feelings you feel from those habits, rather than shutting the feelings down and ignoring the want for the habit. All habits and dopamine giving activities have a reward system in your brain. You can shift those mindset by recognizing what you;re feeling in your body, and replace the behavior slowly over time. It's not exactly clear to me yet, but I'm trying to work hard for myself. For my partner.