I Am Lonely

It's tough spending so much time alone. I am an introvert so naturally I need some alone time to revitalize my emotional energy. However it's nice to be able to do things with others and not feel like your always left out. I spend a lot of time going out and doing things by myself which is cool sometimes. However its getting to the point where I go to a park or restaurant and I see couples and groups of friends hanging out and having a blast I begin to wonder why I can't have that kind of companionship in my life. Am I not good enough for people to want to hang out with? I have a hard time making friends for whatever reason. I feel like I come across as being desperate for companionship, when I talk to people I can never tell if I'm being annoying. I will talk to anyone and I am absolutely not shy. I enjoy talking to people but moving from random conversation to actually making a new friend for some reason is really difficult. Instead I just go out and spend time by myself and then come home and do things that I like. I really want a friend that I can hang out with and not feel like I can't be myself or feel like I have to conform to fit in. I get tired of trying to impress people and portray myself a certain way to makes friends (which doesn't work anyway). I feel like I am alone in my struggles and that only leads to further isolation and contributes to my depression. I hope I can find my place where I can make friends and be accepted.