I Am Lonely
I don't have anyone to talk to, so I'm using this as a crutch.
Pretty self explanatory, I just don't have friends. Which is fine for the most part, but it's been years, and I cannot connect to people. Even when I lie and force a smile with co-workers, family, etc.
I'm alone I guess. Looking back, I caused 95% of that, willingly walked the path and such. Kinda funny in a sad way.
Parts of me question why that is. Why I pushed others away. One of the more disturbing thoughts is that I simply deserve to be alone, and ignored.
I remember thinking about that in particular as a kid. That I was such a terrible thing, and blamed myself for my parents divorce, of which I had zero influence on, in reality.
But, that did not stop young me in the slightest for bearing unnecessary burdens. I cried alot when I was alone, which was more than often. Silently hating myself as tears rolled down.
Now that I'm still alone, I wish I could cry, or express myself in any other way. I bottle it up too much, push it way, way down.
Still blame myself for things I can't control, and have the scars of burdens that shouldn't have been mine. Just don't cry about it anymore, but rather, I feel numb.
God I'm pathetic.
Pretty self explanatory, I just don't have friends. Which is fine for the most part, but it's been years, and I cannot connect to people. Even when I lie and force a smile with co-workers, family, etc.
I'm alone I guess. Looking back, I caused 95% of that, willingly walked the path and such. Kinda funny in a sad way.
Parts of me question why that is. Why I pushed others away. One of the more disturbing thoughts is that I simply deserve to be alone, and ignored.
I remember thinking about that in particular as a kid. That I was such a terrible thing, and blamed myself for my parents divorce, of which I had zero influence on, in reality.
But, that did not stop young me in the slightest for bearing unnecessary burdens. I cried alot when I was alone, which was more than often. Silently hating myself as tears rolled down.
Now that I'm still alone, I wish I could cry, or express myself in any other way. I bottle it up too much, push it way, way down.
Still blame myself for things I can't control, and have the scars of burdens that shouldn't have been mine. Just don't cry about it anymore, but rather, I feel numb.
God I'm pathetic.
