I Am Sad and Lonely

@Loretta78 Hugs , don't let the devil spin those thoughts inside your head. You are loved. He just doesn't want you to realize it.

@Loretta78 sweetie, i just cant call you by your profile name. i was married for 21 yrs but we met at the Copacabana nightclub in new york city april 23rd, 1993. I cant STAND the barry manilow song. it USED to be our song, hah ! i cant stand it when they tell me i'll find someone. right now i dont feel worthy of anyone. in my case it was my fault. i was too big a flirt. i never slept with another woman nor would i have. but the flirting got to her and she finally left. if what i wanted was extramarital sex, i would have been happy and i would have made several hookups. i didnt. i became depressed, developed sad bipolar depression. its lonely here all alone. it does help to be able to talk to people here though, why are you divorced ?

@ElPhonse Same in some of what your saying. I was alone in my marriage and did some of the same behaviors to cope with not wanting to feel alone.

@ElPhonse I just had two years of hell in my marriage before I run away with baby on my arms. I had to leave the country because my marriage has cost me almost mine and my babies life.
AFTER my divorce I've got those information's:
My "husband" had:
- a fake name
- a fake nationality
- a fake date of birth
- a fake marital status (=he was already married when he has married me)

Probably you just can call my marriage a fake marriage or however...

@Loretta78 Ouch! Two years is better than 10+ years

@Loretta78 hope you can forgive me but i will keep calling you "sweetie". you are NOT a piece of anything that is bad. where did you move to ?

@ShadowSteel It is NOT better. Not when you are physically, emotionally and financially abused every day. I am repeating again: I have lost almost my life. My son was tried to kidnap to Africa and someone has tried twice to kill me - within 2 years!
I don't want to judge but I think that you had maybe at least some happy moments in your marriage. I can swear: I HAD NOT!
@ElPhonse I moved to Germany and live there anonymous until today because my "husband" has tried for years to find out where I am. I am glad that the German state could protect me.

prayers for you sweetie. who are you living with ?

@ElPhonse Until 2 weeks ago I have lived with my son. Since he moved out I am living alone and will forever.

wow. in germany ? ive heard many good things about germany. what is it like there ?

@ElPhonse It is a good, peaceful country. And there's freedom. That's the most important thing to me.

i can imagine that some big strong but APPRECIATIVE german man will no doubt find you and love you. but please remember that many times we TEACH people how to treat us and HOW they get away with treating us. if you decide to accept someone else to get close to you, he must know what you NEED and what you DON'T need and WON'T put up with.

@ElPhonse No one never ever was interested for me and never will. My years are really over now.
But that's ok.

i have seen your pictures and I know some man could fall in love with your eyes and your smile.

@ElPhonse My pictures?? I just have pictures about nature but not about myself. 🤔🤔

didnt you send me pics of a man and of a boy ?

@ElPhonse No. Never!!
I've never sent any pictures to anyone. I just have the pictures in my photo albums on SW... 🤔🤔🤔

i saw a pic that i thought came from you when you told me about your husband being abusive and that your son was similar to him. was that not you ?

@ElPhonse No. NEVER!! I've NEVER sent any pics to anybody. Especially not about persons. And I don't do PMs - I was FOR SURE not the one who has sent pics to you. 😕

now i feel like im going crazy. what is wrong with me ?

@ElPhonse Actually you should recognize a name from that person who has sent this pic to you...

i just found someone i was speaking to earlier who also was dealing with her marriage and lived outside the United States as you do. that is why I had you both confused. my mind is not in good shape. i am compassionate but i have been through a very difficult life since 2013 when my life began to fall apart. i now have deep depression and bipolar.

i hope you dont think less of me for my confusion. i once worked with people who were depressed, suicidal or homicidal. this was a job i loved and lost because i was injured at work. i am glad i was able to talk to you today. you gave me a reason for living today and a purpose. since i am alone, when i am home alone, i feel i am no one with no purpose. i need people more than they need me it seems now.

i feel like my life is over and that I will never enjoy love again. perhaps you may understand.

@ElPhonse I understand you. But nevertheless you shouldn't give up. Maybe you will find someone on SW - a true friend. I admit: That's very difficult. But it's not impossible.