Guess who's back.. back again.. Cassie's back - tell a friend.

Jk, don't tell anyone actually..

It's 2am, and my mind is going crazy so I can't sleep.

I low-key stopped my meds after the surgery then continued on half the dosage. I haven't taken my adhd meds in two weeks, and my mind is literally a hell-hole.

It's a mix of random lyrics and melodies, sad and angry flashbacks, longings, confusion and a whole mix of wtf is happening in the world..

This conversation, about me:

Is still going thru my mind like a broken record-player, no matter how much I try to ignore it or tell myself to stop thinking about it.

I got out of bed an hour ago, after a failed attempt to sleep..

It's a lot. Idk. My mind is so chaotic, my mood swings are insane right now. I decided to write out my feelings, after I started getting intrusive thoughts about ending it all..

I'm so overwhelmed, angry, upset, and also in pain still from the surgery, I just feel like I'm about to explode.

I try to be positive, I try to be happy, and for moments, I am, and I laugh, dance, make jokes, talk to friends for hours, make plans. But then after dissociating into a whirlwind of unresolved trauma, my life suddenly feels pointless and the pain feels unbearable.

Idk what's triggering me. Maybe the fact I'm not able to work because of my arm, I need to rest for one month. I'm not allowed to lift anything heavier than a milk-carton or use my arm the way I want - I keep forgetting this too which is painful🥹 I feel alone, like I can't complain or speak about my trauma or my feelings, because I'm helping families that's going thru something way worse right now, and most of my friends or connections are doing the same, so it feels stupid to say that I don't feel good when at least I'm safe.

Idk. It's a lot. I'm sorry for venting it all here, just needed some place, someone, right now.

Y'all don't need to read, answer, it's okei.

I hope y'all are safe and happy🫂