I want to share this, but y'all don't have to read it.
My mind's been working overtime ever since I spoke to the doctor, and there's one memory from my childhood that I feel really messed me up. (There's more than one but this is one of them).
I was sitting in my chair in my room, I had rearranged my room for probably the 50th time, and made myself a corner with a comfy chair my dad got me, and my TV. I don't remember what the argument was about, but it was late. My mom and stepdad had been partying, and usually that meant I wouldn't sleep, and there would be a lot of chaos. I'm guessing I was mad about the noise or something. My stepdad stood in front of me on my left side and yelled at me for something, we argued and he he told me that he would r*pe me if I didn't listen (not sure what exactly we argued about), but he said it in a "light" way if that makes sense. I got angry and ran out of my room, to my mom. She was laying on the couch, and honestly looked gone, I sat down in front of the couch and pushed her to wake up. He then stood in the doorway, laughing at me. Telling me that she didn't care about me, and she wasn't able to even wake up. She finally woke up, and I told her what he said, he said I was lying, and we argued back and forth, she got angry about waking her up and the noise. I ran to my room and locked my door, when I heard my mom going to sleep, I got up and ran out because I was scared of staying in my room.
My mom finally broke up with him when I was around 13, after he dragged her thru the hallway. She then took an overdose (she drank too much and took meds with it, not knowing she couldn't drink on those meds). I was out with friends, and came home to cps and my grandma in my living-room, telling me my mom was in the hospital. They wanted to take me, but my grandma asked them to let me go with her instead, until my mom came back. For a very long time I thought that she tried to end herself, and didn't understand what was going on.
My stepdad wanted me to still spend time with him after they broke up, but I refused, I hated him so much.
I don't want anyone to blame my mom, I know now what she was going thru as well, and I don't blame her for not being there emotionally all the time. She was also young when she had me.
I was sitting in my chair in my room, I had rearranged my room for probably the 50th time, and made myself a corner with a comfy chair my dad got me, and my TV. I don't remember what the argument was about, but it was late. My mom and stepdad had been partying, and usually that meant I wouldn't sleep, and there would be a lot of chaos. I'm guessing I was mad about the noise or something. My stepdad stood in front of me on my left side and yelled at me for something, we argued and he he told me that he would r*pe me if I didn't listen (not sure what exactly we argued about), but he said it in a "light" way if that makes sense. I got angry and ran out of my room, to my mom. She was laying on the couch, and honestly looked gone, I sat down in front of the couch and pushed her to wake up. He then stood in the doorway, laughing at me. Telling me that she didn't care about me, and she wasn't able to even wake up. She finally woke up, and I told her what he said, he said I was lying, and we argued back and forth, she got angry about waking her up and the noise. I ran to my room and locked my door, when I heard my mom going to sleep, I got up and ran out because I was scared of staying in my room.
My mom finally broke up with him when I was around 13, after he dragged her thru the hallway. She then took an overdose (she drank too much and took meds with it, not knowing she couldn't drink on those meds). I was out with friends, and came home to cps and my grandma in my living-room, telling me my mom was in the hospital. They wanted to take me, but my grandma asked them to let me go with her instead, until my mom came back. For a very long time I thought that she tried to end herself, and didn't understand what was going on.
My stepdad wanted me to still spend time with him after they broke up, but I refused, I hated him so much.
I don't want anyone to blame my mom, I know now what she was going thru as well, and I don't blame her for not being there emotionally all the time. She was also young when she had me.
