Having CPTSD is like having pop-up ads in your brain for a horror movie that's based on your life.

I don't understand why I'm struggling so much lately..
Maybe it's all the added stress.

I'm tired of dissociating because I get so intense flashbacks that my body shuts down, and I'm just stuck in a tornado of unwanted memories and feelings.

I wish I would've delt with it, instead of just pretending like nothing happened every time.
I also hate all the memories that pop up with no ending, like I remember parts of it, or the feelings I had, but then my brain shuts down and won't let me remember everything, so I'm left with the same parts on repeat with no closure. Idk, it's hard to explain.

Thankfully I don't feel like this all the time, it comes and goes. Bad thing is that I can be having a great day, feel amazing, and then suddenly something or someone triggers me and I shut down for days..

I'm both worried and curious to see what will happen when I lower my dosage of the meds I'm taking for ptsd. 🙄