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I Keep Things to Myself

I'm really bad for this and it's ruined many a relationship for me. I keep in those little niggles and let them build into resentment. If I do finally speak my mind it comes out in an angry torrent. I suppose this is better than nothing but I want to be able to talk about things as they come up.

I've stuck to online relationships for so long because of this, far easier to write my feelings down in a text than to sit someone down, look them in the eye and tell them how they are crossing the line.
rckt148 · 61-69, M
But thats not really real ,its an illusion until you actually meet and see who they really are ,and as you say ,even then ,they only know as much as you share .
I hate a few of my ex's waited until they were trying to hurt me
opened up and said things that could have saved us ,had they only told me
When I love I love deep ,if you don't like something ,tell me if its legit
i'll work on it ,i'll change
But telling me as your leaving only screws me up even more
Now I am trying to fix something for someone who is not coming back
and the things I am changing ,may have been the things someone else may have loved about me
So I keep self reflecting ,trying to fix things I do see
But had we worked on things together ,,my ex's might not have ended up ex's

Now they all say(except 1 I have only spoken to twice )they love the man I am now
To bad now I know do overs never work for me ,I can't get over someone intentionally hurting me
But had we worked it out when we were together ,I bet we would be happy now .
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@ZenKitzune dear please don't be so easily offended ,I meant you no disrespect ,,,but if you have actually been in many relationships you would know that I mean
We all wear somewhat of a mask even when we are face to face and can see expressions ,body language
I know I am getting left long before I am ,I see the pulling back
I hear the sighs ,see the eyes ,,,
But I have been caught up in my own pain
my addictions ,
trying to make a living in pain with addictions ,because no one believed I was in pain
Until 5 yrs ago when finally a full body MRI was done on me
finally revealing that my spine is shot ,
but no one believed how much pain I was in ,that had a huge impact on my relationships , being made to feel more and more worthless was not helping me
I only took pain meds to be able to work ,and I drank to feel numb
Its hell knowing if you are not doing all you can to make everyone happy and providing for them and their wants ,they might leave you
You don't have that worry on line ,its all what you want it to be .

I can tell you anything on line ,,can you tell if I am straight or taking drugs ,,
Can you see if someone is sitting next to me and she and I are toying with you?
I have been talking to to someone for years ,he led on she wanted more
I thankfully was wise enough to keep telling her lets just keep it friends until we were absolutely sure it might end up as more ,,not I am thankful I did
She sent me pics in gowns ,talked about what she would do if she was here
But I have told her all along ,she is in New York and I am in Florida
But she was always talking about one day she is going to surprise me and show up here .
She talks to my kids on Face Book and my family loves her too
but recently she had something to tell me
I was actually hoping she had met someone who is there ,someone she can actually be with ,and she had already done that to me too yrs ago
I was making arrangements to move her here ,and she tell me she met someone at church ,it hurt ,but I told her to go for it ,I wanted to see her happy
He did not want her talking to me anymore ,so I was cool with that ,,
A year later ,,she shows up on Face Book the relationship did not work and now she wants us back ,,but she already knows ,I don't do retakes
But after all this time she needs to tell me something and she is scared she is going to lose me over it ,,and then she springs on me
I will admit I never caught on ,,we talked every day and every night
She has been in a relationship and living with someone 2 yrs
And that kind of hurt ,,I just let her be as a friend in my heart
But still ,,,why send me sexy pics ,and tell me what she would do if she was here ,(and she may see this ,,she is on here too )
But its hard enough when you can look them in the eye
I seriously doubt you would disagree if your honest
Nothing can touch the physical ,emotional bond ,,that part is real
But we only know someone as much as they let us in ,,even in person
If you are another one who wants to get offended over me just talking and being honest also exposing my feelings to you as well
Well not much I can say that can fix that
There are things that life and experience teach's you
and I was married at 16 ,and I am still to trusting and easily hurt when made a fool of and betrayed ,,betrayal is a huge issue with me
But I know better that to believe its real love ,until they are here
facing the good and the bad ,actually going through life with me
not on line
ZenKitzune · F
@rckt148 I've been in relationships all my adult life. Face to face, online...I don't see either as more real than the other. Not everyone has the same mind or perspective as you do. You don't know my experiences or past so please do not think that you can judge what feels real to a person and what does not.
rckt148 · 61-69, M
@ZenKitzune I am not trying to tell you how you feel just sharing my experiences with you as a basis for a common ground ,you share I share
You explain why you think it is real ,I explain why I don't trust it
thats call communication ,not me thinking everyone is like me
I have 4 kids and 5 grandkids ,I am sure I have figured out they are not clones of me nor do they think exactly like I do on every subject
But after my girls turned 30 ,,all 3 of them asked me
"Dad how did you know "
Well for one thing my brain is fully developed ,they reach that somewhere around 26 other say 30 ,,but 30 seems to be the norm
until then ,you can't tell them anything ,they are so sure they know it all
And then one day they get it
I have never tried to make them be anything except who they are ,,I guided them and shared my experience ,turns out ,,I am still learning too
but I am not near as dumb as they assumed ,now I have granddaughters
here we go again ,but now they are none so quick to dismiss my advice ,in face now they like to get my opinion when making major like choices ,now they trust my experience ,,I earned their respect ,,I was just sharing a little of my reasons I have my opinion with you ,
I get I don't know you or you me ,,this is how that normally happens ,sharing our experiences on the subject
Sorry if you took it any other way
I have been up over 24 hours and I am in pain
Maybe I should have just tried to a nap
Have a good one ,,I said nothing trying to disrespect you
or to suggest everyone should be like me ,I know very few like me
I am still trying to figure out teens and woman ,and I have lots of experience at it ,,not sure anyone has the answers ,but sharing is how I learn
Even some things about myself
Good luck
ButterFly2023 · 18-21, M
Apparently the quicker you yell the longer a relationship lasts. Here's a video on the whole scene (that part comes in near the end but it's all worth watching) :
https://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love
LyricalOne · F
It’s certainly a challenge. Funny though, I’ve stuck to online relationships and I can’t help but speak my mind. Go figure.
ZenKitzune · F
@LyricalOne It's easy for me with online stuff but I just started a face to face relationship and feel completely inept suddenly.
LyricalOne · F
@ZenKitzune You’ll get there. And congratulations. 🙂
ZenKitzune · F
@LyricalOne Thank you :)
SW-User
My wife came from a broken childhood and I swear I see the same in her.
ZenKitzune · F
@SW-User I'm not really sure where it comes from, I think I've always been that way. Maybe because my mother was likely to snap or dismiss and my dad was likely to make fun.
SW-User
There’s a book called “How to hug a porcupine.”

My wife is very much a porcupine but while reading it, I realized I was too.

Maybe you could take a look at it (it is short and cute) and see if there are traits you could learn to adjust.
ZenKitzune · F
@SW-User I am learning to adjust, it's important to overcome because I can't be close to anyone without doing so.
Chaoshead · 22-25, M
Niggles? 🤔
ZenKitzune · F
@Chaoshead worries?

 
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