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ZenKitzune dear please don't be so easily offended ,I meant you no disrespect ,,,but if you have actually been in many relationships you would know that I mean
We all wear somewhat of a mask even when we are face to face and can see expressions ,body language
I know I am getting left long before I am ,I see the pulling back
I hear the sighs ,see the eyes ,,,
But I have been caught up in my own pain
my addictions ,
trying to make a living in pain with addictions ,because no one believed I was in pain
Until 5 yrs ago when finally a full body MRI was done on me
finally revealing that my spine is shot ,
but no one believed how much pain I was in ,that had a huge impact on my relationships , being made to feel more and more worthless was not helping me
I only took pain meds to be able to work ,and I drank to feel numb
Its hell knowing if you are not doing all you can to make everyone happy and providing for them and their wants ,they might leave you
You don't have that worry on line ,its all what you want it to be .
I can tell you anything on line ,,can you tell if I am straight or taking drugs ,,
Can you see if someone is sitting next to me and she and I are toying with you?
I have been talking to to someone for years ,he led on she wanted more
I thankfully was wise enough to keep telling her lets just keep it friends until we were absolutely sure it might end up as more ,,not I am thankful I did
She sent me pics in gowns ,talked about what she would do if she was here
But I have told her all along ,she is in New York and I am in Florida
But she was always talking about one day she is going to surprise me and show up here .
She talks to my kids on Face Book and my family loves her too
but recently she had something to tell me
I was actually hoping she had met someone who is there ,someone she can actually be with ,and she had already done that to me too yrs ago
I was making arrangements to move her here ,and she tell me she met someone at church ,it hurt ,but I told her to go for it ,I wanted to see her happy
He did not want her talking to me anymore ,so I was cool with that ,,
A year later ,,she shows up on Face Book the relationship did not work and now she wants us back ,,but she already knows ,I don't do retakes
But after all this time she needs to tell me something and she is scared she is going to lose me over it ,,and then she springs on me
I will admit I never caught on ,,we talked every day and every night
She has been in a relationship and living with someone 2 yrs
And that kind of hurt ,,I just let her be as a friend in my heart
But still ,,,why send me sexy pics ,and tell me what she would do if she was here ,(and she may see this ,,she is on here too )
But its hard enough when you can look them in the eye
I seriously doubt you would disagree if your honest
Nothing can touch the physical ,emotional bond ,,that part is real
But we only know someone as much as they let us in ,,even in person
If you are another one who wants to get offended over me just talking and being honest also exposing my feelings to you as well
Well not much I can say that can fix that
There are things that life and experience teach's you
and I was married at 16 ,and I am still to trusting and easily hurt when made a fool of and betrayed ,,betrayal is a huge issue with me
But I know better that to believe its real love ,until they are here
facing the good and the bad ,actually going through life with me
not on line
