Back when I was in jail, I was gonna snatch this dude out of his bunk & beat the crap out of him in his cell
He showed up for sexual assault on a woman & word got around to the inmates immediately when he got there. Since he was Chicano, it was up to us Chicanos to deal with him. The head of the Chicanos was my cellmate & I told him I was down to go pull the dude outta his bunk & beat the shit outta him. OG was surprised by me saying that but he told me "dont worry he'll be out of here before 5am. & If he's not, I'll let you know"
I wasn't in there trying to fight people.. I was always chill but earlier that same day, Naya's mom told me that her cousin's fiance tried multiple times to put his hand up her dress. She left crying over it & with me being in jail, she felt like she had nobody to turn to or to be there for her. It seemed like her family didn't take it seriously & urged her to act like nothing happened. I felt so angry but also really fucking sad. Mad because someone basically sexually assaulted my lady & I wanted to hurt them.. but sad because I felt so useless for not being able to be there or do anything about it since I was behind bars.. she cried during our entire short phone call & it really got to me. I felt like it was all my fault for not being there & I felt disrespected because I KNOW dude wouldn't have tried that shit if I was around. It's like I was so pissed off but another part of me just wanted to break down crying. It was really conflicting to deal with because I'm not used to that.
So obviously that same day when some guy showed up for sexual assault.. I guess I felt like taking my anger out on him. I didn't even know the details of what he did, all I knew was that he sexually assaulted a woman & in my head I imagined that could've been my lady, or my daughter, or anyone that I loved. In fact that person WAS someone's daughter obviously. So I justified it to myself that he deserved it so it was okay.
Later when OG saw the look on my face after I talked to my lady on the phone again, he asked me if I was okay. He could tell I was pissed & I told him why... He could tell I was struggling with my feelings about it & he told me that he knows how I feel because he's been through the same thing before. He spent over a decade in prison so he knows what it's like to not be able to be there for the people you love.. & to wanna take your anger out on others. He even told me, "now I get why you offered to beat that dude up. It surprised me because that's not normally like you"
He even said he'd pray for me & my family & 2 minutes later he was on his knees & praying by his bunk like he did every night. That honestly meant a lot to me because I knew he meant everything he said.
When we woke up in the morning that one dude was gone. He knew he was gonna get hurt if he stayed obviously, so he called the officers for help in the middle of the night. When that happens, of course it's out of fear for a person's safety so the cops have to remove that person & place them somewhere else. Like protective custody or something idk where they go 𤡠it might depend on the situation.
In the end I was kinda relieved that I didn't have to hurt the guy. I guess I didn't actually want to hurt anyone. I don't do that kind of shit anymore I haven't even been in a fight in like 4 years. I was just angry. I felt like I couldn't do anything to protect my family. & I've been used to being a protector my whole life so idk.. maybe I was just channeling that somewhere else. I even considered going after the dude who sexually assaulted my kid's mom once I got out of jail. But OG advised me not to do it. He said "I get it, I did the same thing. But from what you've told me, her family is the type to call the cops & you're a felon now. You don't wanna end up back in here & then guess what? You can't take care of your family all over again. You gotta go through this shit all over again. If you want him taken care of.. let me know. I'll send 30 mf's who don't give a f*ck to go handle it"
That felt a little excessive too though. Even if he deserved it.. he's still technically more "family" than I ever was. Naya's mom's family already made me feel uncomfortable as it was. & If they choose to accept him anyway then I'd only be the bad guy for starting shit đŽâđ¨ So no matter what I did, it felt like there was no winning. But I definitely lost all respect for the dude & ever since then, I have no hesitation in showing it. Even though Naya's mom & I aren't together anymore.. if I ever have to see the dude I'm not pretending to be cool with him. & I have no problem being brutally honest & dealing with whatever he wants to do with that.
Anyway, another long post lol. I don't really tell stories the way I used to though. These days my posts are usually about current life shit rather than past experiences. This was randomly on my mind again though so I thought I'd share it & idk maybe someone might take something from it
I wasn't in there trying to fight people.. I was always chill but earlier that same day, Naya's mom told me that her cousin's fiance tried multiple times to put his hand up her dress. She left crying over it & with me being in jail, she felt like she had nobody to turn to or to be there for her. It seemed like her family didn't take it seriously & urged her to act like nothing happened. I felt so angry but also really fucking sad. Mad because someone basically sexually assaulted my lady & I wanted to hurt them.. but sad because I felt so useless for not being able to be there or do anything about it since I was behind bars.. she cried during our entire short phone call & it really got to me. I felt like it was all my fault for not being there & I felt disrespected because I KNOW dude wouldn't have tried that shit if I was around. It's like I was so pissed off but another part of me just wanted to break down crying. It was really conflicting to deal with because I'm not used to that.
So obviously that same day when some guy showed up for sexual assault.. I guess I felt like taking my anger out on him. I didn't even know the details of what he did, all I knew was that he sexually assaulted a woman & in my head I imagined that could've been my lady, or my daughter, or anyone that I loved. In fact that person WAS someone's daughter obviously. So I justified it to myself that he deserved it so it was okay.
Later when OG saw the look on my face after I talked to my lady on the phone again, he asked me if I was okay. He could tell I was pissed & I told him why... He could tell I was struggling with my feelings about it & he told me that he knows how I feel because he's been through the same thing before. He spent over a decade in prison so he knows what it's like to not be able to be there for the people you love.. & to wanna take your anger out on others. He even told me, "now I get why you offered to beat that dude up. It surprised me because that's not normally like you"
He even said he'd pray for me & my family & 2 minutes later he was on his knees & praying by his bunk like he did every night. That honestly meant a lot to me because I knew he meant everything he said.
When we woke up in the morning that one dude was gone. He knew he was gonna get hurt if he stayed obviously, so he called the officers for help in the middle of the night. When that happens, of course it's out of fear for a person's safety so the cops have to remove that person & place them somewhere else. Like protective custody or something idk where they go 𤡠it might depend on the situation.
In the end I was kinda relieved that I didn't have to hurt the guy. I guess I didn't actually want to hurt anyone. I don't do that kind of shit anymore I haven't even been in a fight in like 4 years. I was just angry. I felt like I couldn't do anything to protect my family. & I've been used to being a protector my whole life so idk.. maybe I was just channeling that somewhere else. I even considered going after the dude who sexually assaulted my kid's mom once I got out of jail. But OG advised me not to do it. He said "I get it, I did the same thing. But from what you've told me, her family is the type to call the cops & you're a felon now. You don't wanna end up back in here & then guess what? You can't take care of your family all over again. You gotta go through this shit all over again. If you want him taken care of.. let me know. I'll send 30 mf's who don't give a f*ck to go handle it"
That felt a little excessive too though. Even if he deserved it.. he's still technically more "family" than I ever was. Naya's mom's family already made me feel uncomfortable as it was. & If they choose to accept him anyway then I'd only be the bad guy for starting shit đŽâđ¨ So no matter what I did, it felt like there was no winning. But I definitely lost all respect for the dude & ever since then, I have no hesitation in showing it. Even though Naya's mom & I aren't together anymore.. if I ever have to see the dude I'm not pretending to be cool with him. & I have no problem being brutally honest & dealing with whatever he wants to do with that.
Anyway, another long post lol. I don't really tell stories the way I used to though. These days my posts are usually about current life shit rather than past experiences. This was randomly on my mind again though so I thought I'd share it & idk maybe someone might take something from it
