I think it's time to finally change my username since I don't drink anymore 🙏
I started at age 11 by sneaking my dad's beers out the fridge. Budweiser was my favorite beer for a long time because that's all my dad bought. It's what I got used to. The first time we drank together was when I was 17. He told me "when you're 18 you make your own decisions anyway & you're almost there so why not".
I didn't think of my drinking as a problem but it already was. There were even some days I showed up to school drinking. I got expelled for that as a freshman once so I quit for 2 years. Later at age 16 I got alcohol poisoning the first time I drank again but my brother & mom saved my life that night. Maybe that should've been a sign to me but I kept drinking anyway.
As I got older I slowly drank more & more often. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes it was only on weekends.. I always fluctuated with it. At this point it was a lifestyle so it was pretty much always a part of the picture. I developed Gastro esophageal reflux & I'm sure the drinking played a hand in that.. I switched from Budweiser to Modelo & Coors Banquets because they tasted nicer & didn't screw up my stomach so bad like Bud did.
After all my legal troubles now though it's really woken me up to a lot of things. The biggest is that this isn't the way I wanna live my life. I've come to realize that even though I love my dad... he didn't set the right example. Every morning he wakes up & fills his small ice chest with ice & a 6 pack that he brings to work with him. He drinks throughout the day & night on a daily basis. He's very functional though & works nonstop. I think seeing that example my whole life contributed to me believing it was okay. I hate to place blame so that's not what I'm doing.. I made my choices myself. But I know watching my dad contributed to me believing that it wasn't a big deal.
These thoughts made me realize that I don't want my daughter to grow up seeing me live that way. Because if I just drink all the time & treat it like that's normal.. she might someday grow up to do the same. The last thing I want is for my daughter to struggle the ways I have my whole life 😔
I have to ask myself what alcohol is worth to me. It won't just cost that $5 or $10 or $20. It could cost me my life & it could cost my daughter her future.. it could cost everything meaningful to me. Thinking of it that way... It's just not worth it to me anymore.
I've mentioned before how when I was 5 years old my mom had a choice to choose her kids or the drugs & she chose drugs. That choice is why I grew up without my mom. I have a hard time putting myself in those shoes because I could never pick anything over my daughter... but also... I understand. Shit sucks & I don't want my daughter to ever know the feeling.
I get the feeling I'm gonna be 10x more productive in my life without alcohol & I'm excited to see how life turns out from here 🙏 I feel like I can finally have the ability to use my potential without my vices holding me back. For once in my life, I can picture my future being successful. Things are gonna be hard for a minute but in the end I'm gonna be who I'm meant to be. I'm gonna hold my head higher than anyone who ever doubted me. Bet on it.
I didn't think of my drinking as a problem but it already was. There were even some days I showed up to school drinking. I got expelled for that as a freshman once so I quit for 2 years. Later at age 16 I got alcohol poisoning the first time I drank again but my brother & mom saved my life that night. Maybe that should've been a sign to me but I kept drinking anyway.
As I got older I slowly drank more & more often. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes it was only on weekends.. I always fluctuated with it. At this point it was a lifestyle so it was pretty much always a part of the picture. I developed Gastro esophageal reflux & I'm sure the drinking played a hand in that.. I switched from Budweiser to Modelo & Coors Banquets because they tasted nicer & didn't screw up my stomach so bad like Bud did.
After all my legal troubles now though it's really woken me up to a lot of things. The biggest is that this isn't the way I wanna live my life. I've come to realize that even though I love my dad... he didn't set the right example. Every morning he wakes up & fills his small ice chest with ice & a 6 pack that he brings to work with him. He drinks throughout the day & night on a daily basis. He's very functional though & works nonstop. I think seeing that example my whole life contributed to me believing it was okay. I hate to place blame so that's not what I'm doing.. I made my choices myself. But I know watching my dad contributed to me believing that it wasn't a big deal.
These thoughts made me realize that I don't want my daughter to grow up seeing me live that way. Because if I just drink all the time & treat it like that's normal.. she might someday grow up to do the same. The last thing I want is for my daughter to struggle the ways I have my whole life 😔
I have to ask myself what alcohol is worth to me. It won't just cost that $5 or $10 or $20. It could cost me my life & it could cost my daughter her future.. it could cost everything meaningful to me. Thinking of it that way... It's just not worth it to me anymore.
I've mentioned before how when I was 5 years old my mom had a choice to choose her kids or the drugs & she chose drugs. That choice is why I grew up without my mom. I have a hard time putting myself in those shoes because I could never pick anything over my daughter... but also... I understand. Shit sucks & I don't want my daughter to ever know the feeling.
I get the feeling I'm gonna be 10x more productive in my life without alcohol & I'm excited to see how life turns out from here 🙏 I feel like I can finally have the ability to use my potential without my vices holding me back. For once in my life, I can picture my future being successful. Things are gonna be hard for a minute but in the end I'm gonna be who I'm meant to be. I'm gonna hold my head higher than anyone who ever doubted me. Bet on it.
