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I keep having this recurring thought that I don't mean much to others and that they don't like me all that much. I'm not the sort of person others take much interest in, or reach out to (even to check up on). I'm reliable, but that requires people to want to rely on me to begin with. I doubt anyone feels particularly close to me, and I know there's always going to be someone more important, more wanted in their lives, more... I don't know. I wonder if there's even much of a point at all, or if I'm drastically overthinking this. I know at least a few people like me well enough at work, but I also know nothing ever really goes beyond that.

This isn't about relationships either, just to be clear. Those are so unlikely to happen for me that I've kind of just given up on them because hope hurts more than it helps. Sometimes I just want to shut myself away from the world entirely, because if they won't give me a chance then why should I give anyone else one. I know I'm great, but it's extremely disheartening when so few people seem interested enough to see it, only seeing my apparently off-putting exterior.

Maybe I should just exist out of spite for others. I'm not the sort of person who can really do that, but part of me wishes I was. It seems like it would make things easier to bear.

Hopefully this will ease the thoughts.