The lasting damage of childhood
Tonight I am feeling a powerful and almost overwhelming sense of despair and sadness. I feel like I need to cry. To sob deeply and express those feelings in that primal way.
But I can't seem to manage to do so. I cried rather easily as a child and it led to mockery and embarrassment. From peers, from adults, from family. So I did what many young boys do. I started hiding it and forcing it back. I limited my own access to a coping mechanism because society said that boys don't do that. As much as I want to, I can't summon it unless it is grief over death.
And I know it isn't just me. This is something we've been doing to men for generations and as I think it about it, it just makes me frustrated that we dehumanize ourselves by propagating these mind sets.
I'll be okay myself, but figured I'd vent that frustration out there so maybe it won't keep building on top of everything else.
But I can't seem to manage to do so. I cried rather easily as a child and it led to mockery and embarrassment. From peers, from adults, from family. So I did what many young boys do. I started hiding it and forcing it back. I limited my own access to a coping mechanism because society said that boys don't do that. As much as I want to, I can't summon it unless it is grief over death.
And I know it isn't just me. This is something we've been doing to men for generations and as I think it about it, it just makes me frustrated that we dehumanize ourselves by propagating these mind sets.
I'll be okay myself, but figured I'd vent that frustration out there so maybe it won't keep building on top of everything else.
