How do you learn to accept your flaws and not let them eat you alive?

I am going through some serious body image and self esteem issues right now. I just feel so hideous and incompetent every day and constantly compare myself to others (and feel like everyone is better than me in every way, not even just physically). I am really hyperfixating on flaws that cannot be changed, or at least not easily and inexpensively. Every time I see someone who is better than me in these regards, I feel so insecure and inferior, and it deeply bothers me. I have an overwhelming need to be perfect and the best, and feel as though my worth is diminished if anyone is better than me in any way, or has any better features/traits at all. Obviously, this is making me miserable, because I'm nowhere near a supermodel or a genius, so of course there are a lot of people out there who are better than me.

I won't go to therapy because TBH, that's a big part of what has me like this in the first place. I had a horrible experience and went in with normal puberty problems and came out with wrecked self esteem and confidence, and also drugged on SSRIs. I'm not willing to do that again.

I don't think I know anyone as self-loathing as I am. :( My internal dialogue insults me regularly, calling myself ugly, stupid, unlikeable, etc.

I'm way too old for this teenage insecurity shit and it's ruining my life. I don't even know if it's possible to fix at this point.

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Royricky09

https://similarworlds.com/social/5163578-Do-you-post-your-life-on-Facebook-Instagram

Read this carefully and understand.

BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F

@Royricky09 I do remind myself that in terms of social media, people tend to post only what they want others to see and none of the bad. However, most of my insecurities come from real life situations.

Royricky09

@BnBSpringer09

Care to explain?
If not here... Message me.

BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F

@Royricky09 Pretty much anyone I meet, I feel is either better than me in some way, or perceived that way by others. It can be that they seem so much more confident than me, competent at something, have some sort of physical feature that's much better than mine could ever hope to be, etc. I have major self esteem/confidence issues. I'm not sure how much is in my head, but it's knocking me down hard right now. I have also been obsessing over my appearance lately because I feel that as a woman, that is the number one thing society prioritizes about me and the only way I can earn respect.

Royricky09

@BnBSpringer09

Pretty much anyone I meet, I feel is either better than me in some way, or perceived that way by others. It can be that they seem so much more confident than me, competent at something, have some sort of physical feature that's much better than mine could ever hope to be, etc.

There will always be someone or other better than you. Now your job is to learn from them and pickup the good things and start adding them to yourself.

have major self esteem/confidence issues.

You aren't alone, everyone feels that sometime. These all things can be learned and practiced. And you will be surprised when they start working. It's no possible that you aren't confident at all, you must be at something.

I have also been obsessing over my appearance lately because I feel that as a woman, that is the number one thing society prioritizes about me.

Absolutely not. That's not how a woman is defined. Your appearance will never be the same, it will constantly change as you grow just like everyone else. That's life.
I can give you 100s of examples of people who don't look good but are loved by alot of people, so your physical appearance doesn't matter, it's your mindset that matters.

BnBSpringer09 · 26-30, F

@Royricky09 Thank you, this is very helpful.

The only thing I can think of that I feel confident at is driving. I feel I'm generally a safe and capable driver. On the rare occasion I have a dumb blunder like everyone does sometimes, it takes me forever to let it go and not beat myself up about it, though. I tend to be very highly critical of myself.

I think the looks thing stemmed from being bullied about them when I was younger, and having watched good looking people (predominantly women) who were incompetent and had bad personalities get treated far better for no other reason than their looks my whole life. It still happens a lot in the professional world. I've been overweight and then lost the weight, and noticed a huge shift in how I was treated. The same people who had wanted nothing to do with me and had acted annoyed that I existed all of a sudden were nearly sucking up to me.

Royricky09

@BnBSpringer09

I messaged you.

Read and understand this very carefully.

When you're ugly and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust