i don't know anyone who has been through what i have

and this makes me very sad, bitter and annoyed too.

because i've had such hard life of having mental problems, trauma, and other problems, i missed out on my 20s and 30s, never got what i wanted, never achieved what i wanted, never got the relationships i wanted and never lived, i have basically spent my entire 20s & 30s coping with my mental problems, being by myself and now i'm in my late 40s?

i've lived alone 20 years in a little flat 'doing better' with my own hard work, my only support are my elderly parents who live far away, lost touch with friends of my youth,....my childhood was wonderful.

but feel devastated at what i've missed out on, no one i know of or see online has missed out to that extent, or been through what i have been through, and that makes me feel very alone and disconnected from people, from society.

seriously now, how can i possibly come to terms with everything i've gone through and missed out on? my entire twenties and thirties gone.....my mother was saying there's no point in dwelling on what missed out on now, it only hurts me and causes more stress.....i have to focus on what have now and what i'm trying to work towards and the years i still have left?

does anyone have any thoughts about this?

Top | New | Old

FCNantes · 22-25, M

Hmmm... I must have some thoughts, given my own predicament, though there's a very substantial difference compared to yours.

I'm not someone that has much tendency to dwell on the past, however, it hurts me that I've 90% missed out on the kind of experiences & activities that I've been wanting to do for the past dozen-ish years, & even if things totally turn around in the future, there'll always be this sense of loss, not a regret but something of a similar quality.

2019 was meant to be the launchpad for my social life & activities (1st year of uni), but Covid throttled that.

Don't deny your feelings, don't expect it to ever not sting & bruise, but it's probably best not to indulge in this sentiment.

For me, when I have this kind of feeling, that's okay, & I engage with it, but if it was to continue for hours, that's when I'd try to focus onto something else, & remind myself that dwelling on the past isn't beneficial, other than to stop oneself from burying their feelings.

I'm not sure what it means to come to terms with something, other than to accept & not deny it.
Your loss is real, it can never be undone, but the past is only part of your picture.

Wiseacre · F

👍@FCNantes

Wiseacre · F

I agree with your mother…there is no point in dwelling on what u missed out on. You have many yrs of life left to live…why not work on filling it with things that matter!

CloudAngel80 · 41-45, F

Your present situation is not your final destination.
The same sun wich melts the butter, hardens the clay.
The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step....
Everyone has something they regret, rehearse, forget, or neglect.
No, you will not find someone EXACTLY like you, but surely similar problems in your life are to guide, direct, and lead you to a different place 😉

Add a comment...