I will not make it to old age and I'm slow but surely starting to accept it.

I probably won't even make it to my 40s

Most likely I'll kill myself if by 35 If don't achieve self dependence.

At 32 I still heavily depend on my parents and I feel ashamed of that. This is all caused by mental health issues such as social anxiety, PTSD and regret I feel about past mistakes that will not stop haunting me.

If it weren't for my parents I'd be homeless. I don't want to be homeless ever. Id rather just die.

I'll hold off for a couple more years working with my dad but eventually my time will just come if I don't manage to learn how to survive on my own.

I think by 35 I would have lived long enough. My death won't be as sad as someone dying young in their 20s.

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pancakeslam · 41-45, M

Well you managed to write all that so I don't think you're that hopeless. If you think about it there are jobs you might be able to hold. Like an Amazon sorting facility for example. So your parents aren't all that crucial... but if I were you I would use this opportunity to get on your feet by getting the necessary skills to survive. or if you still want to die maybe you can go fight for Ukraine. They would love to have you. Cheers.

dark548 · M

@pancakeslam I will reattempt to meditate again daily and invest in tons of self help books. I'll see if this takes me anywhere. Maybe just maybe I might go to therapy im hesitant because I don't like opening up too much. I don't want someone to try to psychologically manipulate me or know everything about me.

pancakeslam · 41-45, M

@dark548 Do you get much exercise? I like taking bootcamp classes at my local gym like 6X per week. All that therapy stuff might end up making you feel worse if you overdo it.

dark548 · M

@pancakeslam I don't get enough cardio but I'm going to atleast start walking again for 30 minutes and maybe just maybe get back in the gym.

On a side note. Even if my social anxiety or mental health issues were gone tomorrow I still don't know what I want to do for a living. I am still lost there.

pancakeslam · 41-45, M

@dark548 jobs and opportunities are more plentiful than you realize. I mentioned Amazon because it is really easy work. You are like a cog in the machine. That being said I suggest you start training for something better right away. Cheers