I wanna apologize for my earlier post.. I feel broken at times but I don't mean to sound negative
Y'know back when I was suicidal I was hanging out with one of my closest friends. Homies a real thug, rarely shows emotions. Keeps it stoic.
We were in the middle of talking, a regular ol' conversation. Nothing too heavy. Then he looked at me with this defeated look on his face & told me "dude please don't end it. I need you here. You're my spirit right now man. I NEED you"
That was one of the most powerful things anyone's told me. Idk why.
Then there was another time I was playing this song by myself. I was singing my heart out to the lyrics because it was a meaningful song to me & it hurt me a lot. Out of nowhere my sister walked in & she saw me singing. She came over & hugged me then said "Dude I love you... I don't know what I would do without you".
I hugged her back & started bawling 😭 I didn't even say anything. That's the only time in my life I've ever hugged someone & just cried. It helped a lot more than I would've thought.
Now on to my brother.. out of all my siblings him & I are the closest in age & we shared a room growing up. We are completely different.. he's always been in the books while I was in the streets. But we think the same & have the same sense of humor.
One day he texted me saying "Hey I know we don't talk about this stuff but I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine my life without you & now that my daughter's ready to be born I'm so excited that you get to be part of her life. I thought I was lucky to have you but I feel even luckier now that she gets to have you too"
Each of those moments were last year. I was in a very dark place & I'm mostly past it now but I still feel broken at times. It's those 3 moments that kept me holding on the most. My relationships when it comes to family & friends might mean more to me than I mean to myself sometimes.
Anyway, maybe I'm just writing this to counteract the sadness of my last post. I'm mostly here to talk & joke around but I'm here to be honest as well. That includes the hurtful stuff too. Thank you to anyone who even cares 🤷 I'm okay.
We were in the middle of talking, a regular ol' conversation. Nothing too heavy. Then he looked at me with this defeated look on his face & told me "dude please don't end it. I need you here. You're my spirit right now man. I NEED you"
That was one of the most powerful things anyone's told me. Idk why.
Then there was another time I was playing this song by myself. I was singing my heart out to the lyrics because it was a meaningful song to me & it hurt me a lot. Out of nowhere my sister walked in & she saw me singing. She came over & hugged me then said "Dude I love you... I don't know what I would do without you".
I hugged her back & started bawling 😭 I didn't even say anything. That's the only time in my life I've ever hugged someone & just cried. It helped a lot more than I would've thought.
Now on to my brother.. out of all my siblings him & I are the closest in age & we shared a room growing up. We are completely different.. he's always been in the books while I was in the streets. But we think the same & have the same sense of humor.
One day he texted me saying "Hey I know we don't talk about this stuff but I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine my life without you & now that my daughter's ready to be born I'm so excited that you get to be part of her life. I thought I was lucky to have you but I feel even luckier now that she gets to have you too"
Each of those moments were last year. I was in a very dark place & I'm mostly past it now but I still feel broken at times. It's those 3 moments that kept me holding on the most. My relationships when it comes to family & friends might mean more to me than I mean to myself sometimes.
Anyway, maybe I'm just writing this to counteract the sadness of my last post. I'm mostly here to talk & joke around but I'm here to be honest as well. That includes the hurtful stuff too. Thank you to anyone who even cares 🤷 I'm okay.
