I wanna apologize for my earlier post.. I feel broken at times but I don't mean to sound negative
Y'know back when I was suicidal I was hanging out with one of my closest friends. Homies a real thug, rarely shows emotions. Keeps it stoic.
We were in the middle of talking, a regular ol' conversation. Nothing too heavy. Then he looked at me with this defeated look on his face & told me "dude please don't end it. I need you here. You're my spirit right now man. I NEED you"
That was one of the most powerful things anyone's told me. Idk why.
Then there was another time I was playing this song by myself. I was singing my heart out to the lyrics because it was a meaningful song to me & it hurt me a lot. Out of nowhere my sister walked in & she saw me singing. She came over & hugged me then said "Dude I love you... I don't know what I would do without you".
I hugged her back & started bawling 馃槶 I didn't even say anything. That's the only time in my life I've ever hugged someone & just cried. It helped a lot more than I would've thought.
Now on to my brother.. out of all my siblings him & I are the closest in age & we shared a room growing up. We are completely different.. he's always been in the books while I was in the streets. But we think the same & have the same sense of humor.
One day he texted me saying "Hey I know we don't talk about this stuff but I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine my life without you & now that my daughter's ready to be born I'm so excited that you get to be part of her life. I thought I was lucky to have you but I feel even luckier now that she gets to have you too"
Each of those moments were last year. I was in a very dark place & I'm mostly past it now but I still feel broken at times. It's those 3 moments that kept me holding on the most. My relationships when it comes to family & friends might mean more to me than I mean to myself sometimes.
Anyway, maybe I'm just writing this to counteract the sadness of my last post. I'm mostly here to talk & joke around but I'm here to be honest as well. That includes the hurtful stuff too. Thank you to anyone who even cares 馃し I'm okay.
We were in the middle of talking, a regular ol' conversation. Nothing too heavy. Then he looked at me with this defeated look on his face & told me "dude please don't end it. I need you here. You're my spirit right now man. I NEED you"
That was one of the most powerful things anyone's told me. Idk why.
Then there was another time I was playing this song by myself. I was singing my heart out to the lyrics because it was a meaningful song to me & it hurt me a lot. Out of nowhere my sister walked in & she saw me singing. She came over & hugged me then said "Dude I love you... I don't know what I would do without you".
I hugged her back & started bawling 馃槶 I didn't even say anything. That's the only time in my life I've ever hugged someone & just cried. It helped a lot more than I would've thought.
Now on to my brother.. out of all my siblings him & I are the closest in age & we shared a room growing up. We are completely different.. he's always been in the books while I was in the streets. But we think the same & have the same sense of humor.
One day he texted me saying "Hey I know we don't talk about this stuff but I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine my life without you & now that my daughter's ready to be born I'm so excited that you get to be part of her life. I thought I was lucky to have you but I feel even luckier now that she gets to have you too"
Each of those moments were last year. I was in a very dark place & I'm mostly past it now but I still feel broken at times. It's those 3 moments that kept me holding on the most. My relationships when it comes to family & friends might mean more to me than I mean to myself sometimes.
Anyway, maybe I'm just writing this to counteract the sadness of my last post. I'm mostly here to talk & joke around but I'm here to be honest as well. That includes the hurtful stuff too. Thank you to anyone who even cares 馃し I'm okay.
