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I wanna apologize for my earlier post.. I feel broken at times but I don't mean to sound negative

Y'know back when I was suicidal I was hanging out with one of my closest friends. Homies a real thug, rarely shows emotions. Keeps it stoic.

We were in the middle of talking, a regular ol' conversation. Nothing too heavy. Then he looked at me with this defeated look on his face & told me "dude please don't end it. I need you here. You're my spirit right now man. I NEED you"

That was one of the most powerful things anyone's told me. Idk why.

Then there was another time I was playing this song by myself. I was singing my heart out to the lyrics because it was a meaningful song to me & it hurt me a lot. Out of nowhere my sister walked in & she saw me singing. She came over & hugged me then said "Dude I love you... I don't know what I would do without you".

I hugged her back & started bawling 馃槶 I didn't even say anything. That's the only time in my life I've ever hugged someone & just cried. It helped a lot more than I would've thought.

Now on to my brother.. out of all my siblings him & I are the closest in age & we shared a room growing up. We are completely different.. he's always been in the books while I was in the streets. But we think the same & have the same sense of humor.

One day he texted me saying "Hey I know we don't talk about this stuff but I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. I can't imagine my life without you & now that my daughter's ready to be born I'm so excited that you get to be part of her life. I thought I was lucky to have you but I feel even luckier now that she gets to have you too"

Each of those moments were last year. I was in a very dark place & I'm mostly past it now but I still feel broken at times. It's those 3 moments that kept me holding on the most. My relationships when it comes to family & friends might mean more to me than I mean to myself sometimes.

Anyway, maybe I'm just writing this to counteract the sadness of my last post. I'm mostly here to talk & joke around but I'm here to be honest as well. That includes the hurtful stuff too. Thank you to anyone who even cares 馃し I'm okay.
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iamonfire69641-45, F
Don鈥檛 apologize, especially if writing helps you work your feelings out.

I am really glad that your perspective has changed after thinking about those things 馃挅.
ChiefWalksWith40oz26-30
@iamonfire696 I just felt bad for the way I expressed it. I asked if anybody was down to kill me 馃し a few people mentioned the situation that ended EP & it kinda made me realize how heavy my words really were.

But thank you, it was a really long journey. I hated myself my whole life but I'm finally comfortable with who I am. Idk if I love myself yet but I like myself
iamonfire69641-45, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz I saw and commented. I understand what it鈥檚 like to not want to live but not die either. I am glad you are getting there. That鈥檚 really important 馃挅.
ChiefWalksWith40oz26-30
@iamonfire696 oh that's right, you did 馃槍 I remember now lol. Thanks for being around 馃 I appreciate it
iamonfire69641-45, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz Of course. I hope you continue you feel better 馃挅
ChiefWalksWith40oz26-30
@iamonfire696 & I hope you have a good night 馃槍 but I might still run into you again throughout the night so that's not me saying goodnight yet lol
iamonfire69641-45, F
@ChiefWalksWith40oz awww thank you 馃挅